Mommy tells me to watch out for boys and I keep looking but I don’t know what to look for? My step dad is real nice except when Mom’s not around.  I get straight “A’s” but they say that’s not good enough…I don’t understand?  Mommy tells me I’m too pretty and to be careful…what does she mean?  I don’t lie to my parents, like a lot of my other friends, but my parents often shout at me “Don’t lie!” why don’t they believe me?  My real Dad is very busy so I try not to bother him.  Mom is always asking me what Dad is doing and who he’s seeing and then when I’m at Dad’s house he asks me all about mom…isn’t anyone interested in me?

I like my mom and I know she loves me but she doesn’t ever say it.  It doesn’t bother me ‘cause I know she cares because she makes me lunch for school every day.  I tell her I love her and she always smiles back.  School is frustrating because it’s not like the teachers really care.  Mrs. Johnson, my homeroom teacher, just made us write a whole report on the effects of smoking but I can smell her smelly cigarette breath every time she leans over me in class.  I don’t know who to talk to so mostly I talk to my friends.  They’re great.  Well, most of the time.

When I do tell a close friend something…well personal —like what’s going on at home— it’s maddening  because all my friends start teasing me the next day about it.  I try real hard to be liked but it seems no matter what I do with my friends they’re so mean.  I don’t want to be mean so I just keep trying to be friendly.  I like my sister a lot but at school it’s not cool to act like I care.  She thinks I hate her but I don’t really.  But then mom makes me do stuff with her at school and it’s tough because then I get teased again.

I believe in Angels and have little pictures and statues of them all around my room.  I don’t tell anyone at school and both my dad’s think that it’s cute.  At night I really think that I see them.  I talk to them and they seem to always listen.  I love the big ones with huge wings these are my favorites.  I think mom likes them too but is scared to see them.  I’ve told her about the one’s in my room and she laughed thinking that I was talking about my little statues.  I don’t know why she’s scared because they’re really so nice.

Once I was sick, real sick, and I was at a friend’s house.  My parents were out-of-town and I really wanted my mommy.  I remembered one of the Angels that visited me right before going to sleep in my room and asked her to help. I was in the bathroom, you know, throwing up when she came.  It was so cool as I had never seen her in the daytime before.  I will never forget it!  It was like she was holding my head helping me.  I really appreciated it ‘cause I was real sick and really wanted my mom.  When I told dad about the angel in the bathroom all he wanted to know was if my friend’s mom had called the doctor.

Mom told me that I was early because I’m only in sixth grade and I started… well mom said “being a woman.”  It was really scary.  We’ve had some classes in school about sex and girl stuff but it’s sure different when it’s happening to you.  I really like boys but not like some of the other girls do.  One of my girlfriend’s talked about kissing a guy from our homeroom class with her tongue.  It sounded gross and yet kind of interesting.  All my girlfriends were so excited and laughing about it.  I still don’t know if I want to use my tongue but it doesn’t matter ‘cause I’ve never been kissed.  Well kind of.  My step-dad kisses me and it always feels a little funny —I don’t know it seems nice though.  He’s the only parent that kisses me on the mouth but it always feels a little wet.

I like watching MTV and watching the stars sing and dance.  They look all look so sexy!  Especially Britney Spears she’s my favorite.  Recently, my real dad took me to see Britney’s concert and there was this one part where Britney and the other dancers were singing from a bed on stage.  I thought it was cool but dad seemed mad about it.  He even called my mom and yelled at her about the music that I was listening too.  It didn’t seem fair ‘cause I listen and watch Britney sing at dad’s house too but I don’t think he ever had paid attention before.

Mother’s day is tomorrow and I want to do something real special for mom.  I love her so much!  I want to be just like her when I grow up.  She doesn’t know it yet but I have prepared a huge surprise.  My step dad helped a lot too.  We’re going to take her to lunch and then go to a movie.  I love seeing movies and so does my mom.  My step dad is going to let us girls go see a chick-flick and I’m glad ‘cause I really like to see mom happy.  I hope mom’s happy, I love her so much!  We’re going to have popcorn and candy too!  My younger sister is real excited and I can’t wait either.

I know mom tries so hard and I want to make mother’s day a special day.  Sometimes mom gets mad and yells at me a lot especially about my dirty room so I really picked up my room real good.  My sister too!  We want her to look at our rooms first thing so she can be happy.  I want to do everything for her.  I love her so much and I want to be just like her.  I’ve always secretly hoped that mom will tell me that she loves me but it doesn’t matter because I love her.  She’s the best and I can’t wait to make her happy.  No matter what mom does I love her.  It’s really neat that I have the parents that I do.  I kind of feel bad because I hope that I haven’t been complaining again.  Sometimes I’m told that I complain too much and I don’t want to complain on this day especially.

I want mom to understand me.  I hope that she does.  I don’t try to do things that will make her mad I’m just trying to grow up.  It’s funny ‘cause just the other day mom said that she “feels like she’s still growing up.” I didn’t understand but I know she also says that she’s doing the best that she can.  I want to do the best that I can.  I hope mom loves me the way I love her.  I want to give her the best mother’s day!