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Self Depreciating: How to escape self-deprecating thoughts and feelings.
“Nothing is harder to watch than another soul
follow a pattern of self-depreciating. The denial of one’s self, whether it body or mind, is a dismal path to seclusion and separation.”
— Weston Jolly
Each time we ignore the essence of who we are we are in fact walking further from our Divine essence. Every thought of self depreciation is lonely. In putting ourselves down we engage in hiding from our highest potential. There is no right path but the possibility for a great life is reduced when self depreciation takes root. Similar to a hurricane that eats and destroys everything in it’s track so is self depreciating.
Unlike the strongest of storms, self depreciating energies can spellbound others to repeat the same pattern of self destruction in the exact way they were exposed. This is comparable to watching multiple hurricanes unnaturally and repeatedly travel down the same road. In families, self depreciating paths are easy to plot and horrific to watch.
Special Reflections of Self Depreciating
I know because I grew up in one. Unknowingly, I picked up the abuse and made it my own. The criticism and judgment of my mother yelling and screaming at me took its inevitable toll; one day I began doing it to myself. Unconsciously, and to my utter horror, I passed the baton of self depreciation to our kids. In unwinding myself, I found a new horizon. This means you too can escape self-hate, negative self-talk, and the constant need to put yourself down.
You may not yet believe me but it’s much easier than you can imagine. Once you feel the possibility to co-exist with without self deprecating thoughts then you’ll also feel free. In this moment, stay open to another way of living than to constantly berate yourself. Deep down you already know you want something totally different so stay open to what inspires you to change.
What is self depreciating (or self-deprecating) mean?
The definition of self depreciating is when someone puts themselves down in an unfavorable light. Sometimes self depreciating is meant to be funny or comedic. But what if self deprecation is a way of keeping you small and disempowered? Anyone who self deprecating themselves does so at an enormous cost. (By the way, the words self depreciating vs. self deprecating can be used interchangeably.)
It’s not a joking matter to hear someone make self depreciating comments, and yet we all laugh. Partially, because the potential for self depreciation is something we all share in common, but it’s not always voiced. This is the sneaky part of putting yourself down.
Just because you’re not saying self condemning thoughts out-loud, this doesn’t eliminate the toxic effects of self depreciation. Silently cursing yourself, your body, your mind or even your actions is harmful. The law of cause and effect ensures this.
All self depreciating thoughts start in the mind. You should ask how such thoughts or energy got there. When you do, you’ll quickly find that self depreciation is taught. If you’re used to someone putting you down all the time, you may very well repeat the process.
Negative self-talk is first observed in the family. Consciously or not, your father or your mother – or others – are probably the first place you felt rejected. Even then it didn’t feel good. These words have meaning.
What happened to me?
Along the way you got caught up in someone else’s act of self depreciating. Then, one day you separated from your Higher Self. In self deprecation, you not only separate yourself from your soul, but emotionally as well as your mind and body. It’s no easy trick. However, this can stop whenever you want it to.
Separation from Source happens in a couple of ways.
We are all born spiritually asleep, in one degree or another. In this unawakened state, habits of self depreciation are exposed and sometimes developed. When you practice self depreciation it directly effects how you think, act and create. Wildly, it can feel like the world is against you and that everyone is laughing at your self depreciating comments. Which brings us to the second method of separating from Source.
You choose it. Perhaps people are laughing at your negative self-talk because you invited them to do so. In full bloom, self depreciating is damning yourself. Saying, “I hate myself” is the peak of self-loathing.
I hate myself
In self-hate, a breakdown occurs whereby everything is colored black. This is the opposite of seeing everything through rose colored glasses. Self loathing promotes a continuous flow of negativity that results in different levels of depression. Everything sucks through the lens of self depreciating and self-hate.
Hating yourself can start somewhat innocently with self-criticism. Then comes the wrath of self judgement. These stepping stones expand further until everything is considered negative. The sentence, “I hate myself” then expands into “I hate life.”
While speaking and offering private sessions in Denver, Colorado I instinctively hugged a 19-year-old man dressed entirely in black Goth. Meeting one another for the first time, he sat down and said, “I don’t want to be here…”
“I know…” I responded.
“My mom forced me to come” he continued.
“Would you like to leave?” I asked sincerely.
Perplexed at my honest invitation he sat motionless staring blankly at me.
“Truth is, you don’t want to live.”
He shot forward, “Did my mom tell you?”
“Yes” I replied, “but I didn’t need her to tell me.” Looking at his scarred wrists. I continued, “And no one can stop you, if that’s what you really want.”
Our session together flew by. At the end, the teenager jumped up and hugged me while whispering, “I don’t know how to thank you…” I hugged him even tighter and said, “There’s a lot you can do with your life.” With tears in his eyes he said, “I’ve never experienced love like this before… if there’s more like this in life, then I am in.”
We pulled apart, I looked him in the eye and said tearfully, “There is!”
Hating yourself isn’t the end. It can be a new beginning.
Beating yourself up
You don’t need anyone else to beat you up, when you can do it all by yourself. Abuse comes in the same variations as self-abuse. Although, beating yourself up physically, emotionally or spiritually is monumentally different. How?
When you beat yourself up, it’s on a whole another level. You know all the inside moves. All the stuff that is really going to hurt you. When berating yourself is escalated, it also means taking unnecessary risks. It’s a kind of, “who cares… what’s the use…” mentality. This means accidents and altered lives as a result of self-negligence.
How does beating yourself up affect your body?
Shaming yourself about how you look or talking negatively about your body, is every day behavior in beating yourself up. There’s way too much emphasis about how we should look, which invites any perceived nonconformity for you to be cruel and even mean to yourself. Self-annihilation starts as early as ten and eleven years of age for some girls concerning their looks and bodies.
When beating yourself up becomes the norm, it’s no big deal to get picked on or even bullied. Learning how to stop letting your soul get bullied is a huge step in turning yourself around. You don’t have to believe that you should look, think or act like anyone else. The more you accept and honor your Higher Self you’ll find that self-defeating behaviors of self-depreciating have to come to an end.
There is no end to putting yourself down.
It’s likely you’ve heard someone say, “You look really good, but I look so ugly…” This backwards kind of a compliment comes with an invitation for you to be polite in return and respond with something like, “No, you don’t…you look wonderful.” The subtleties of someone putting themselves down seems innocent enough until you discover that it’s a trap. The object of this game is to get energy, a forced compliment, attention, love or something more.
Putting yourself down is not the same as riding an elevator straight down by saying that you hate yourself, but it’s downward escalator just the same. Self depreciating is always talking negatively about yourself. Anyone dissing their body, dress, intelligence or finances in comparison of another is in a downward trending vortex.
Unfortunately, the habit of putting yourself down is a bad one. Learning to stop talking garbage about yourself isn’t that difficult to change.
In your willingness to observe the why beneath the self deprecating talk, you’ll find the magic to quitting.
A young woman in her thirties was dealing with something that no one should have to deal with in their life – breast cancer. In working with her, there was plenty of occurrences where she was putting herself down. One day, in a personal consultation, I asked, “Is it safe for you to be a woman?” Her eyes lit up and ever so quietly, like a little girl, she said, “no.”
I wish this attractive woman was the only one I’ve ever met, at odds with her body and even with her gender, but she isn’t. If you’re in an act of self depreciating —because you’re not a boy or that it’s not safe for you to be a girl — as it might apply, perhaps this is why you put yourself down.
In New York, I was invited to dinner after speaking at a workshop on spiritual awareness. The hostess was a delightfully kind and engaging woman in her late thirties who had invited her girlfriend and many other same sex couples over for dinner. I was odd-man out, as a heterosexual and by gender, as the only male in attendance. At the very beginning of the night, one of the guests started putting herself down as a queer and lesbian. All the other women, including the hostess, immediately followed suit.
Trash-talking about themselves in the nastiest manner.
At the end of the night, I waited to be the last to leave so that I could have a private moment with the hostess. I was genuinely confused and deeply concerned that somehow my presence triggered an onslaught of profane and ugly self abuse. My hostess, lovingly turned to me and compassionately said, “It’s not you! We talk like that about ourselves, and each other, all the time!” She continued as I starred at her in a continued state-of-shock, “I guess it’s a habit that we’ve all picked up from our families, and from others, for so long that we don’t really think about it.”
How to stop negative self-talk
All negative self-talk is a distraction. Self critical thoughts or actions all come from an underlining consideration – usually just one. Discovering this is paramount to your seeing yourself as whole, empowered and connected. This discovery process is easy as it is hard.
If there have been years and years, in getting attention -such as being laughed at, it may be hard to let this go. If you’re really interested in stepping back into your empowerment then you already know you have to kick patterns that aren’t healthy. The way you talk to yourself is an important as how you see yourself.
Clearing away negative self-talk is rarely done with affirmations alone. Positive affirmations can be tremendously constructive but they’re not usually successful without removing any stuck feelings or beliefs. Affirmations are wonderful in bringing forth places of resistance.
For example, if you say, “I love myself” as an affirmation, it’s likely this sentence will trigger emotions and words that are the opposite. Listen carefully to such language, energy and feelings as they rise to the surface. And when they do, observe them in appreciation that it’s likely they aren’t even your words.
This is the place to flip your thoughts. Now, your positive affirmations will no longer encounter any resistance. Once you begin to stop all forms of negative self-talk you’re going hear words from the past in a new way. You’ll actually feel really connected and good.
Teaching your inner critic new manners
When you’re used to hearing a continuous barrage of self depreciation all the time you may not realize the things that you’re saying to yourself. This includes the volume in which things are said and during what circumstances. To make a change in self depreciating, become aware of your cyclic patterns.
Once the feelings, energy and dialog are recognized its time to slam on the brakes. Everything you say about yourself is something that you can control. You can’t govern what others have to say or even feel about you. That said, you can direct every positive thought and feeling you have about yourself.
At any formal meeting, you’ll notice a variation of the use of Robert Rules of Order as a protocol in how the meeting is organized, including when you can speak. This means there’s a chairperson, serving with the other officers in behalf of the organization. If there’s any new business, a specific time is slotted for such contributions. When you are recognized by the chair, you are able to speak.
Instead of letting your inner critic spit, yell, scream and interrupt you all-day-long give it a time in which to speak. (This is only if you want.) The intent is to teach the inner critic that it doesn’t get to act out any time it wants. Just the opposite, the real you is in charge.
Hold firm that the Shell, or your ego, doesn’t get to regurgitate negative thoughts of self deprecation or self depreciating at will. At most, allocate a very limited time for it to speak. It’s time to awaken your mind and body from enslavement and you do this when you step forward and compassionately taking charge as the real you.