Please Don’t Judge Me
When you judge someone you’re actually judging yourself. Ultimately, judging others becomes a sticky proposition and you can get caught in it. And to be frank, judgment isn’t what you think it is.
What is it to be judged? How do you judge? Is there any way in which judgment is beneficial. What’s the difference between judgment and discernment?
How can you prevent separating yourself with judgment?
Learn how someone’s name could be interpreted as judgment. And what if you have a name that is judged by others?
Thank you for joining us for this podcast episode 010 of
True Connections with Weston Jolly
When I was in elementary school I thought this kid at school smelled. His hair was greasy and not combed, and his clothes were dirty and wrinkly. Every day, he looked like he just woke up and grabbed whatever was on the floor and dressed accordingly. Nothing ever matched.
I guess because of all the above, I didn’t like this kid. He bugged me. It felt like he was walking pigpen from the cartoon Charlie Brown. And I wanted to have nothing to do with him.
It made it tough because, Michael, not his real name, lived in our middle-class neighborhood. What I’m really saying is I couldn’t avoid seeing or being around Michael. He rode the same school bus I did and we also had the same homeroom teacher in 6th grade. This made it impossible for me to get away from him.
I despised Michael. I’ll put it another way I judged Michael. I could try and justify my thoughts and feelings but I won’t. I simply saw Michael as different from me.
I’m not proud of my actions but I am happy to express the truth and also to tell you the rest of the story. I knew exactly where Michael lived. I’m pretty sure that I did from day one. That said, it would be some four years later before I actually stepped onto his property, knocked on the door and went inside. The day I did, forever changed my life.
The smell that was synonymous with Michael was nothing compared to the retched odor that came from the house. It wasn’t just one smell; it was a combination of things unimaginable. I was overwhelmed. The floor was covered in clothes, newspapers, large remnants of food, dishes, utensils and yes, even dog poop. And this wasn’t just a one-time observation.
Every time I took a step in the house, I was walking on something. As hard as I tried not too I was always stepping something on the floor. I walked into the living room, past the kitchen and I won’t even go there to explain what was happening in that part of the house –except to say it would have made a wonderful place to study mold and god knows what other kinds of fungus and bacteria.
I got to Michael’s bedroom and saw his mattress, which was dirty, old and mostly bare with some filthy torn sheets kinda covering the bottom. I don’t remember there being a bed frame but I’m pretty sure it was there. Dirty clothes were everywhere. Not just in Michael’s room but throughout the entirety of the house. I wouldn’t let myself look in the bathroom… It was clear that Michael, and his brother, were basically living on his own.
Something was wrong… way wrong.
I had one of the strongest paradigm shifts I’ve ever had. Clearly Michael’s BO was putrid, but after I walked his house I begin having some inclination as to why. I’m not sure if anyone was parenting him. Further, I’m not real sure what, or when they were eating? And it was apparent that Michael was trying to live and take care of himself but he didn’t know how…
I remember leaving Michael’s house and I felt so bad for all my years of judgment. It wasn’t just a little judgment, I had been scornful. I remember these feelings like yesterday and to say I’m sorry would be an understatement.
All of my judgment for Michael, in an instant, turned to compassion for what was going on in quote in quote his home. I’m not sure that his living conditions were any better than someone who was homeless. Sure he had a roof and a bed, but the conditions of this house would turn anyone’s stomach. It was that bad. And my observations then didn’t allow me to fully take in the psychology or the emotional impacts of anything else beyond the living conditions.
I’ll never forget it. I had judged Michael and badly. I had no idea what was going on in his life. I had been uber focused on his smell, dress and generally weird behavior.
Judgment isn’t what you think it is.
From a broad perspective, and even more importantly, from a Divine perspective, judgment isn’t real. Let me explain; all acts of judgment are acts of separation from the Divine. Most importantly, each act of judgment is a personal rejection of the self in one way, or another. In summary, there is no such thing as judgment.
You’re really going to want to digest this, so please let me say it all again.
From a broad perspective, and even more importantly, from a Divine perspective, judgment isn’t real. Let me explain; all acts of judgment are acts of separation from the Divine. Most importantly, each act of judgment is a personal rejection of the self in one way, or another. There is no such thing as judgment.
Even though this statement is completely true, you’re going to be pulled into judgment at one time or another. And since, judgment appears to be true on the Earth plane, I will offer some interim suggestions. What I mean by interim is that you are encouraged to maintain the Divine knowledge that judgment isn’t real.
First, on this Earth plane, allow me to explain that judgment as a word or a concept can be reduced to the word separation. Separating yourself from the Divine is what the mind does, and judgment is a great tool to make it happen. If I were going to create a division between the real you and your Shell, or Ego, I’d use judgment.
Judgment is that good as a fulcrum. It can create separation from the real you and that which isn’t. The definition of this kind of judgment is without facts of any kind. Judgment isn’t just an opinion it’s condemnation. Condemnation of who somebody is, what they are, what they do, and how they do it.
The sentence; “Stormy Daniels is a porn star.” Is grammatically accurate, but how does it change when it’s said that; “Stormy Daniels is an adult-film star.” Further, how do you feel to learn that, “Storm Daniels is in fact Stephanie Clifford?”
How is it different for you when you hear,” Michael Caine is a true gentlemen.” It’s also correct to say that, “Michael Caine is film star -for adults” (At least I’m not aware of if he’s done any children films?) And how do you feel to learn that, “Michael Caine is in fact Maurice Joseph Micklewhite?”
And the pop star “P!nk”, which obviously isn’t her real name, has some interesting origins about how this nickname came to be. If you don’t know the story it’s not that big of deal. If you do, then all I’m trying to share with you is how easy it can be to judge. I’m asking you to really think about this. After all judgment isn’t real…
Words by themselves can be judgmental can’t they? And if it isn’t the words then it can be how they’re verbalized. Let me read you a sentence with different voice inflections to make my point how the words stay the same but the meaning can change based upon how they’re spoken.
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
“A friend of mine is Gay.”
In fact, Gay, which is her given name, is a very true friend of mine. I guarantee you’d adore her. Actually, let me share a little bit more here… I reached out to Gay to seek her permission about my sharing her name and she wrote me the following; Having the name “Gay” certainly elicits different looks and discomfort with some people. Some people won’t even say my name – like in Starbucks.
This is my point. Imagine, people not saying your name because of … their discomfort. Because of their judgment! Can you imagine people not saying your name??? Think about that for a minute.
Let me make a distinction between judgment and discernment. Judgment in a flagrant state –is prejudice. You learn to hate or fear something you don’t even know. My dad hated cats. He was insanely prejudiced against cats. There was no reason. And if any reason was offered, he’d just make it up.
Discernment is your preference. Having a preference is not judgmental until you despise everyone that doesn’t think or believe in the same way that you do. This can be a slippery road. Today, I don’t eat meat. Five years ago I did.
My judging people who eat meat would be as ridiculous as judging those who don’t. This is a clear example of enjoying a preference. Staying within your preference is easy when you’re actually comfortable with it. If you’re not comfortable with your preference this is when judgment stands before you enticing you like a piece of candy. The moment you jump into judgment then you’re actually practicing separation.
It’s easy to do. And it’s like eating candy, it can be a little harder to stop once your taste buds jump in and demand more. Can you see yourself wanting more candy? “We want more candy… We want more candy…” Now replace the word “candy” with the word judgment.
“We want more judgment. We want more judgment.” It’s pretty silly.
Judgment, energetically, is just under the word prejudice whereby you’re condemning something or someone without any facts. Presumptions and innuendos and illogical opinions are sometimes used, if at all. No facts. No understanding. Judgment is all about separation; You versus whatever… pure and simple.
Judgment could be summarized in the thought that “You’re doing right and they are doing it wrong.” Judgment works like a really good adhesive. If we do it right, we can get the other party to actually get stuck to it. What I mean is, if you judge people strong enough they might even choose to judge themselves.
Think of superglue. If I’m judging you… then I’m trying to touch you with superglue on my hands. If you’ve ever used this kind of glue, it sticks fast… and in this case you’re just as stuck as the person that you’re trying to influence with your judgment.
I’ve always said that Fear loves friends and family. And this is true for judgment. Judgment loves friends and family. But again, remember the super glue, everyone participating in judgment is stuck. While friends and family teach judgment it doesn’t have to be limited to these small groups.
I’m reminded of a story of a community’s impact in how judgment sticks and also how it can destroy lives. This story is personal. I knew a girl in Church who my partner and I mentored in the youth program. She was a lovely young girl and in time she met someone and they had a family of her own.
Our young friend’s husband was a writer and he also had a talent for speaking and was becoming known in the Church for touching stories of compassion. Then the unthinkable happened. The woman who we’d known since she was 13 or 14 was involved in an accident.
The family was traveling in Europe. Her husband was driving with his lovely wife in the front passenger seat and their two infant sized children strapped into car seats in the back. The car just traversed a hill and upon climbing to the top they were struck full speed by a vehicle on one side. The young mother of two instantly lost her her children.
Additionally, her and her husband were in intensive care for months before being removed to heal in two general rooms in the hospital. Their injuries had been severely life threatening and their healing was deeply complicated by the loss of both of their children. Then the unspeakable happened. I know because I heard it directly from the woman.
While our friend and her marital partner were in the hospital, people all around the world in this Church begin to write them. To be fair some of the letters were truly loving and upbeat. The other letters were pure judgment. Like poison, these letters described how our friend and her husband were being punished.
In these letters, it stated it was God who was punishing her and her husband. They had done something wrong and God was now judging them and he had done so by the taking of the lives of their two small babies. I remember our friend sharing this with me personally devoid of all emotion. She was numb.
I was in disbelief. My mouth had dropped to the floor and I said, “I’m sure there was only one or two…” and before I could continue my friend looked at me, eye to eye and said, “no, there had been hundreds…” I said still in disbelief, “You and your husband received hundreds of letters from people that claim you are being punished and judged by God?” My young friend nodded solemnly and again looked down to the ground.
I grabbed her hand and said, “this isn’t true…” I know she heard my words and I hoped the touch of my hand would be felt in sincere love, that she would listen to me that this judgment wasn’t true. But it was too late, the superglue of judgment had stuck. This too was the very reason she was getting a divorce.
My young friend had begun to wonder if her husband had done something wrong in driving their family. And as she begin to judge him, her life long partner and a true soul mate, their lives went in different directions … all because of judgment. As you can imagine, my friend left the community of the Church with its glorious mission statements of love.
It would be unfair, and equally filled with judgment to say that everyone in this community participated in this way because they didn’t. But the real challenge is letting the judgment go once you’ve stepped into it. This isn’t the communities responsibility it’s ours.
In summary, If I’ve shared something of value with you in this podcast, let it be that you now know that judgment isn’t real. All judgment is a personal act of separation against your own Divinity. The only reason that judgment is alive is that it tends to stick but only if you allow it. And if you truly allow it, it can follow you to the grave.
Thankfully, this is where it will stay. If judgment is alive it is only you keeping that way. If you’d prefer not carry it, then you’ll remember my childhood classmate Michael who doesn’t smell because all he was simply trying to do was survive under the most challenging of conditions. Additionally, I hope you’ll always remember my young friend and what judgment cost her.
She lost her children because of an accident. She and her husband almost died too. I know both of these deeply loving parents would have gladly traded their lives in behalf of their children. Then judgment came calling. And it stuck…thankfully I’m glad to say that it didn’t stay forever. In time, my friend sought help and began to release the idea of judgment from her life in the same way that it’s my hope that you’ll do the same.
Also, check out the hardest thing about being homeless… shame, guilt and JUDGMENT.
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