10 Reasons Why You Can’t Ask For What You Want | Weston Jolly -Ep74

Episode 074 of True Connections with Weston Jolly

Transcription: 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Ask For What You Want.

Hi, I’m Weston Jolly. Thank you for joining me for 10 reasons why you can’t ask for what you want. I think it’s interesting that we, all of us, have been conditioned not to ask. This is why we can’t ask for what we want, it’s because, well, there has been somebody or places or even you within yourself where you have become comfortable, to not ask questions or for what you want.

1:19 – Weston
Perhaps this started way back in grade school, where you were just asking for something simple –like raising your hand in class and asking, “I could use some help.” This is a very simple ask. Yet, sometimes we feel the teacher who rolls his or her eyes in their disapproval. Like it’s somehow a big deal that you’re asking a question in a classroom. Not asking is actually the number one reason why people can’t manifest what they want.

So today, we’re going to go through 10 places where you’ve created a block or even resistance to asking. And when we do this, we just want to be really clear that if any one of these things, these reasons why you can’t ask for what you want, if they come to the surface and you can feel something within your solar plexus or your stomach, I just want you to be aware of that.

2:10 – Weston
At the end, we’re going to do something really cool because I want you to remember, or learn, how the Universe actually works when we put forth and ask –and of course, the importance of asking. The reasons that we’re going through, 10 reasons why you can’t ask for what you want, is because we want to have awareness and clarity in asking.

Imagine running track and field where you have these obstacles called a hurdles. And of course, I’ve never jumped hurdles. But if I were to run a race and I had to jump a bunch of hurdles there’s a lot of energy in having to do that. So, we want to see each one of these reasons as a 10 reasons why we don’t ask as potential hurdle. Hopefully, none of these reasons are applicable, but if any are, then I’m going to give you a few suggestions at the end of this podcast, in how we can get back to connecting in your asking, and of course, the importance of your asking.

Without asking, we aren’t able to go anywhere.

So I’m going to use this example. If we went into a restaurant and we sit down, we look at a menu, and we’re determining what it is that we want, and let’s say we have a preference that isn’t on the menu.

3:19 – Weston
That could be questions like ; Does the restaurant use mayonnaise?, or do they use real crab versus imitation crab? So, if we’re going to ask the waiter a question. We don’t need to feel funny about asking, right?

But a lot of times even at a restaurant, people will have a discomfort in asking about anything that’s outside of what’s actually printed on the menu. That’s funny because in most restaurants, almost always, they’ll come up to you and they’ll even tell you about specials of the day, meaning they’re announcing those things that they want you to become aware of in trying to solicit these times that aren’t on the menu.

It’s equally beautiful for you, too, to actually ask questions as well, right?

There’s nothing that you need to be afraid of in asking questions.

But sometimes people really get shut down. And this is the reason we want to go through these hurdles so that you can become aware of any places you have resonance with 10 reasons why you can’t ask for what you want. In becoming aware, you can address those places of resistance so you can overcome any fears in your asking. We are doing to discuss how to ask in a Universally connected way, the end of this podcast, like I promised that we would.

1. People don’t know what to ask for.

That seems funny, but it’s not. Because if someone has an ability to put forth a desire in an ask, that would be initially with and then this ask is verbalized to somebody else. That could be as simple as just asking for the salt and pepper at dinner, right? But if there is an inability that we don’t know what we want to ask for, or that we’re shutting that down, then we really want to become clear as to why.

Why is it that you don’t know what to ask for?
Is that because you’re afraid of having something to ask for? Let’s give that some consideration. If it is, I want you to just become aware of that as we can continue to go through our list.

2. If you’ve ever asked for something and been told “no.”

5:33 – Weston
I can remember, I’m sure you can too, when I was a child in a grocery store, and asking mom that we can have this toy or to purchase the cereal with the toy in inside.

And of course, the answer is “no.” If we hear “no” often enough, then we can prevent ourselves from asking. In essence, we start to shut our desire to ask off. People in the profession of sales –it’s always suggested to ask for the order. Having taught sales people, you would be amazed, maybe even shocked, where you’ll find someone talking about the product, they will answer your questions, but they don’t ask for the order.

Why? Why wouldn’t somebody in sales not ask for the order?
It’s because of the possibility of being rejected with the word “No.” Somewhere down the line, someone might have told you “no.” When we interpret that “no” as a personal “no”, like “no you can’t have it”, or “no”, you don’t deserve it, or “no” you’re bothering me by putting forth this ask then soliciting becomes impossible because you will hear “no.” Therefore, you might never want to get rejected. But if you are, then, of course, that’s going to be a very prominent reason.

3. If you don’t value yourself, then your ability to comfortably ask is absent connection.

7:01 – Weston
If I don’t think that I’m worthy of asking, but you are, then you find people can ask, but I can’t because I don’t value myself. This is really huge. In fact, there’s going to be topics and topics that talk about this where people choose not to value themselves. And a result of that, they can’t ask thus they don’t create.

And because of this, people are extended whatever life gives to them, right? And that is frustrating where they suddenly don’t feel like they can ask for what they want because there’s an intrinsic idea that maybe I’m not good enough or I shouldn’t be asking. Or maybe there’s a part of you that feels like you’re now as important as someone else.

Let’s go back to the academic classroom where someone’s a doctor in psychology, perhaps I don’t feel worthy to be in the presence of this particular person. Maybe he’s an international bestselling author. If I don’t value myself then I’m not going to ask him for anything. That could be as simple asking him to references for my resume. Perhaps, I was his teacher’s assistant, and yet if I don’t value myself, and therefor, I’m not going to be able to put forth that ask.

8:19 – Weston

4. If you don’t believe that you can have what you want, then you won’t ask for it.

Well, that’s a big, big reason. And sometimes people put forth an ask, and yet behind that ask, they have this feeling that says, You can’t have that. And that can tie into the worthiness piece, right? You’re not worthy to have that. I wrote about this in a blog called Shattered Dreams where I chose to put forth an ask for a car that I wanted to manifest.

When I did manifest the car, I had it for maybe 30 minutes, and a tree limb –out of the blue with no wind blowing– came down and shattered the front windshield of my new purchase. And it made me feel like I couldn’t have my new car. I was wondering if the Universe was maybe punishing me for this manifestation.

This is, of course, the very opposite of what the Universe offers us. If you don’t believe you can have the thing that you want –as I was sharing with this incident in my manifesting this particular car– and yet I was holding on to this belief that maybe I shouldn’t or couldn’t have the very thing that I had already manifested.

9:47 – Weston
This happens a lot where someone may ask, for example, to win the lottery. Not that that I am suggesting you playing the lottery, but if someone does win it and they don’t believe that they can actually have the wealth that they’ve won then the money disappears.

As an example; Evelyn Adams won the lottery twice in back-to-back years in the 1980s. She ended up winning more than $5 million in total, but she reportedly gambled it all away in Atlantic City.

Almost all the people that manifest in of the lottery with beliefs that are out-of-balance or “off.” If I can use that term, it’s out of balance with their choice to actually receive what they’re asking for. A lot of people who do win the lottery, as I’m sure you’re aware, lose it. Now, that can be a lot of money. It could be just a couple of grand to quite literally millions and millions of dollars. And yet all of that gets to be expended rather quickly because they don’t believe that they can actually have what they want.

So, this is hugely important.

5. Maybe there’s some part of you that doesn’t trust the Universe.

Now, this can come from having asked for something and someone promised that they were going to give it to you, and they didn’t.

10:57 – Weston
This story that I’m about to share is indeed a true one, and yet it’s something that’s quite significant. In this particular case, at Christmas, a child was wanting a particular Christmas present. I can’t remember what the item was, but it wasn’t a big ticket item. (I don’t think it was as large as a bicycle.) And yet from this child’s perspective there was parental encouragement of the possibly getting this present at Christmas. On Christmas day, the child unwrapped the present, the cardboard box underneath the wrapping paper was indicative of the very thing that the child wanted!

There was huge excitement that the child was about to get the exact thing they had asked for. Continued with excitement this child suddenly realized their new present was NOT what they had been asking for. Mom or Dad or Santa, if you will, used a printed with the item the child wanted but repurposed the box with another present in it…

In essence, this Mom and Dad want to teach their child, “you don’t always get what you ask for.” Naturally, this was an unfathomable disappointment that this child, who had asked innocently had been something else to make this point.

12:11 – Weston
Because of this event, this child could develop this thought that they don’t trust, right? And that by extension, that they don’t trust God, or they don’t trust the Universe, or they don’t trust anyone to actually have the very thing that they want. That’s a biggie.

6. You don’t want to bother anybody.

This next item that I want to talk about as a reason why you can’t ask for what you want, you may think that it has to do with only those people who are shy, but it has nothing to do with that. But in this categorization, the reason you don’t ask is because that you don’t want to bother or upset somebody. This means you have an idea that your ask is going to be upsetting, again the teacher or bothering the other students in the classroom, then you’re going to give yourself permission not to participate.

In this particular example, I remember being in college and in Psych 101. In this particular class, the teacher was talking about introducing us to Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross’s Five Common Stages of Grief.

13:29 – Weston
I’d never been introduced to that concept before. And so I was listening and taking notes. And the teacher went through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We had a big class. So I raised my hand and the teacher said, “yes?” And I said, I have a question.

I said, “Are you saying or suggesting that all of these five things are something that all people go through with in regards to the cycle or the participation of death?” And the teacher said, “yes.” And I said, well, couldn’t there be six stages? Couldn’t there be eight stages? Couldn’t there be three? Meaning, give me a half a second. Could we have a debate or discussion about what other stages could be involved with that. And the teacher looked at me like I was messing up his syllabus and stated, “Does anyone want to have a discussion about this?” And all the other students didn’t say a word. They didn’t say “yes,” they didn’t say “no,” but there was no desire to participate in what could have been the discussion about these five stages of grief.

14:45 – Weston
And with that, there was a part of me that felt like I had bothered the entire class by asking this question to maybe challenge this particular cycle.

Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross Interestingly enough, as only the Universe would have it, was a client of mine. She was going through her own transition out of her physical body. So I thought that was interesting to be introduced to her work as a freshman in college and then much later in life to actually have physical relationship with her.

If you are having a thought or a feeling that you’re going to be bothering or upsetting somebody, again, whether that’s consciously aware of that or subliminally or non-verbally, and especially if you’re hypersensitive, you may want to turn that down. When you put forth an ask, you don’t want to think that you’re bothering or upsetting anybody.

7. You may have a belief that your asking is competitive in nature or in conflict.

Let me give you this example. If I’m asking for, let’s say a raise and there are other people in the company wanting raises, too. If I hold a thought or a belief, that if I take this raise there won’t be money for others… then my asking is going to be competitive in nature. This is going to directly impact your asking.

16:18 – Weston
If that’s the truth, meaning if I have that thought, then there’s going to be the concept that my asking is something I shouldn’t do because it’s not necessarily for the benefit of everybody. It’s very interesting because that choice, that thought, that when we ask, and to think that it is competitive in nature or is in conflict with anything else is something very interesting.

Now, there are things that we’ll talk about increased our connection in making sure that our asks are in line with the Universe. But you’ll find that your asking is not competitive with someone else’s ask. If we’re taught that, then it becomes another reason why we can’t ask for that particular thing. Now, for the next item in our 10 reasons why you can’t ask for what you want is by far the hugest one on the table, and that is that you’re afraid that you won’t get it.

8. You’re afraid you won’t get it.

17:22 – Weston
If we don’t ask, then we don’t have to be afraid about being disappointed, right? That goes hand in hand. Again, this conditioning make go back to being a child, wondering if we ask for something, at that point being told “no” often enough, that at one point, we just stop asking. This summary which is no longer having a desire to ask.

Now, that’s very, very deep.

And that takes us into a whole series of negative thoughts in terms of our manifestation. It is very, very, very important to see that sometimes people can actually drown or go into states of depression, or states of severe separation in not asking… because of a fear or a feeling that they won’t be able to receive the thing that they’ve been asking for. If you’ve been conditioned not to ask, then you don’t. As an example, the like coming to the dinner table maybe at Thanksgiving, when we have the whole family there. Perhaps, there are guests of political importance, this could include our own family members.

9. You’ve been conditioned not to ask.

18:30 – Weston
So, if you’re a child sitting at the table with important people maybe you’ve been conditioned – very specifically by mom, dad, or other people being told not to ask a question – or not to even engage in conversation. When that becomes a reality then this pattern might continue for the rest for your life.

Thinking that there are conditions or places that we can ask is severely limiting. This may be at the dinner table, or maybe in the boardroom, or maybe with our boss, or maybe even going to the ballpark and asking for something to eat, because you’ve been conditioned not to ask.

These things seem to be simple, but they actually add up to severe states of separation that create a division or a state of separation within us that prevents us from being able to create anything that we actually want to manifest. Now, this last thing is, of course, the more general topic that we’re afraid to ask, period, because maybe we’re going to be harmed or hurt if we ask.

10. If you ask you’re afraid you’ll be threatened or hurt.

19:46 – Weston
Now, that’s a biggie, too, because there’s lots of people that have been conditioned through older siblings, if they go to ask, that they’re actually going to be threatened or hurt. This hurt could be emotional, certainly it can be physical. If there has been projected fear towards you that you’re choosing to ask creates a feeling that you are to be afraid, then that really takes us again, on a very negative downward spiral in places that we really don’t want to go.

In summary, this concludes our 10 reasons why you can’t ask for what you want.

But I promised you something very special at the end because I think it’s very important not to necessarily get stuck with all the reasons why you can’t ask, but maybe we can shift our paradigm, to having a quick understanding of actually how the Universe works when we ask.

A quick glimpse of how the Universe works when you’re asking.

I think this is so important because if we know how the Universe works based our asking – and understanding how the Universe is actually conditioned upon us asking – then we now know the importance of asking in itself. If we don’t ask, if we don’t put forth a desire, then we quite literally limit ourselves.

20:55 – Weston
We could even say it differently. If we’re not asking we are disabling ourselves from being able to participate as the Creators that we are. Every request that you make is heard and appreciated and returned to you the minute, actually the second, the microsecond that you ask for it. Now, some of you may have a challenge with that, which is exactly why we’ve gone through these hurdles. But I want you to stay with me in terms of how the Universe actually does work.

Asking is a part of how nature works. If you subscribe to; hope, faith, “I want”or even belief –lovingly, some of that works. But there’s a completely different space to appreciate. When you realize that every request made by you is heard, appreciated, and returned to you the minute or even the microsecond that you asked for it, it’s different when you know. There’s a vibration in knowing your asking is outside of any thought of resistance. This is why we’ve identified these 10 points of resistance to pinpoint the places of conflict and replace it with the aspect of knowing.

22:15 – Weston
In the Minor Leagues of understanding what is being share here; you can have a belief, or a want, or have faith, or hope, in your asking but it isn’t nearly as powerful as putting forth a commanded in knowing. If you want proof to this in terms of how the Universe actually works, you see this especially when we put forth what I will call a “dramatic ask,” meaning the plane’s going down or I’m about to hit something. And then your ask becomes more than just; I hope that I don’t hit this car, or I sure would not like to skid off the freeway and cause another accident with an oncoming vehicle.

This becomes very different when we’re under a dramatic circumstance, and because of that circumstance, our ask becomes “a demand” or “even a command.” So, when we realize that the Universe works by our asking, it’s tremendously encouraged that we put forth our ask that is aligned with the Universe. Now, something to understand about that. When a person asks to win the lottery, for example, and that’s not within the person’s spiritual blueprint then that can negate the ask. I’ve created short video that I’d sure like you to go check that out.

23:36 – Weston

Most people don’t have any idea what their spiritual blueprints are. But if you become aware that as a spiritual being, you have this spiritual blueprint that you put forth, and maybe winning the lottery isn’t something that you’ve come here to create. Then asking to win the lottery becomes in conflict with what we’ll call that desire that you put forth as a soul.

When you understand that, then you can see that there’s a conflict. So if I am asking that I want to win the lottery again and again is outside of what it is I’ve actually come here to do as a spiritual being, then that would be a conflict, and we just want to see that conflict. So, when we want to ask the Universe, we want to ask the Universe cleanly. And what I mean with that is we want to be without these internal conflicts. And that’s I’ve given you these 10 reason why you can’t ask for what you want.

But if we ask in a space in absolute clarity or absolute authority, and we go further to prepare to receive the thing that we were asking for, and we remain open to receive – we can even go further to thank the Universe for the very thing that you’re asking for, even concurrent as you’re asking for it. This how to ask the Universe cleanly.

24:59 – Weston
I can’t begin to emphasize with you how important it is for you to ask and to address these reasons, these ten reasons why you can’t ask for what.

When you realize how to create and align with the Universe asking and receiving become easy. The importance of asking, knowing that there is a space within you that does know, and the vibration that goes with that knowing, and that we can put forth a dramatic ask, means we can ask cleanly without internal conflicts and with absolute authority.

In this space, we know how we can create what we want. This is why it is given to us to be the creators that we are.

We’ve discussed a lot of reasons why you couldn’t previously ask. Hopefully you don’t remember any of them. However, if there was even one reason that you could feel that you could relate to, then please go to the podcast within the transcription and look up these lists of 10 items that are presented to see if any of them does resonate as a conflict within your asking.

26:03 – Weston
And if it does, then the most important thing for you to do is give yourself permission to feel imbalance and to transcend that conditioning or even the feeling that previously created. The most important thing that you can do is to remember to ask and to ask cleanly. And when you do this, this means without any resistance to your currently having the thing that you’re asking for. And lastly, be in gratitude for the very thing that you’re asking for. Don’t wait. You can do it now. Be in gratitude for the thing that you want to ask for. There’s no reason why you can’t have anything and everything that you want when you’re asking this way.