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Episode 053 of True Connections with Weston Jolly

Transcription: Breaking free from your attachments

Why would anyone want to break their spiritual, emotional or physical attachments? I’ll just give you one reason… and I’ll do it in one word… suffering. Every time you hold onto something you’re in for pain. This agony won’t be always experienced in the beginning. It can build up over time, and when it does – it’s going to hurt.

This sounds like a pretty unpleasant way to begin our dialog, but it doesn’t have to be… It’s actually extremely liberating to know the truth. Being attached may seem hard because it’s so easy to develop a habit of hanging on. I’m promoting the opposite… as in the art of letting go.

Let me share with you a very concise paragraph that I channeled on our topic in How to break free from your attachments.

The attachments that we create become the mountains of the mind. The greater the attachment the higher the mountain, until at one point there’s a break in our conscious awareness that these silly attachments no longer challenge our sense of adventure but only act as a means of distraction and suffering.

My purpose, in this moment, is to share with you very specific ways in which you can detach. Consider this a real experience. In this world of cause and effect, learning to detach will enhance your power to create.

What’s the difference between attachment and detachment?

There are several different kinds of attachment. As a baby you could be emotionally attached to your mother. You might have been physically attached to your baby blanket as an infant. You still could be spiritually attached to your grandmother who passed. Every kind of attachment is a bond. If you like, think of a cord.

Attachments are made by you. Certainly, your attachments can be passed down through your family lineage but in the end you choose them. Here’s the kicker, our attachments are created with good intentions. If being around your mom felt good then it’s likely you created an attachment. This is biologically normal.

Detachment, in simple terms, is letting go. Any child growing up, with an alcoholic parent, may have trouble in detaching. It’s quite predictable that children from these households take care of their parents. In essence, these children grow up parenting their parents.

The difficulty in children detaching from their parents in this kind of situation, is letting the kids know that it’s their fault or issue. For children, even adult children, this can be confusing in deciding if it’s okay to let go. It can feel like you’re injuring someone by letting them go. Detaching in all cases is easiest in compassion and love.

What if it doesn’t feel good to let go?

Let me clarify this question… feel good for whom? Most people who say that they don’t feel good in detaching are in fact attached to the emotions, thoughts or even actions of the person that they’re wanting to detach from. Sound complicated, let me break it down.

If you’re detaching from someone who’s dependent upon you (i.e. Attached) then they may threaten to squeal like a pig if you let go. If this comes up for you, then you have more evidence and encouragement, to detach sooner than later. You will always feel good in letting go, even if your mind is conditioned otherwise. Sometimes it may take a minute for you to feel good, but in the end it will always feel great to detach.

There’s a freedom in letting go. If you’re letting go of something, then you might have some short-term remorse but in the end you’ll feel freer. When it comes to clothes, my sister-in-law once had her own department store. That said, if it didn’t fit, or it wasn’t fashionable or becoming to her, she let it go. She was a wonderful example.

What’s the real benefit in releasing your attachments?

It’s freeing. When things are simple, you’ll always feel better. There’s a lot of energy in attachment. Think of your own clothes closet, maybe there’s a thing or two that you’ve been holding onto for more than two years. If you haven’t worn it, or used it the last 24 months maybe it’s time too detach?

Some friends of ours once owned an antique store in the midwest. When they moved to Arizona over 15 years ago they rented two air conditioned storage units to store all their left over inventory. The combined monthly storage bills were expensive, a house payment in some parts of Phoenix, but they made them every month. Recently, they decided, “Whatever’s in those storage units we don’t need it any more.”

What antiques didn’t sell, my friends gave them away. Their energy changed. It wasn’t about the lost money in storing stuff they didn’t want or need any longer, it was decision to move forward. Simplifying your life is always going to feel good.

Attachments are a lot like debt

Nobody wants to pay interest on something that they no longer own. Energetically, detaching is the same as physically releasing. As an example, if you’re able to let go of a previous relationship. You’re freeing yourself up for something new.

I remember meeting a woman who cantankerously fumed about an ex-husband 20 years ago. They had no children. Whatever assets that they had together had been split up at the time of their divorce, but listening to this woman speak you’d think she got divorced last week. This kind of attachment is a heavy burden and it comes at a high cost.

Holding onto attachments whether they are emotional or physical is a debt. One that straps you down. I like to think of these cords of attachment like a spider’s web. Unto itself, each thread of the web is easy to break but as new threads are made the attachment becomes a thick layer.

Our attachments can manifest in the body just like spider’s web. In your body, it’s called the myofascial tissue. Most people don’t know that myofascial fibers compose the largest system of the body. We want connection but we don’t want debt, burdens, weights or constraint.

Isn’t being attached sometimes good?

If letting go of inequitable attachments is easy, letting go of what you like or what feels good can be problematic. Here’s the deal. Attachment of any kind isn’t welcomed. You’re going to ask why? So, let me tell you.

When you won’t free something, especially something good, you’re not open to your next experience. When you detach from something that you very much enjoyed you avail yourself for more pleasure –not less. This is best understood with an example.

Let’s pretend that when you were twenty you went to the beach at sunset with a bunch of your friends. You meet somebody new. You both make a strong romantic connection. The whole evening is a blur in the best of conversation, being at the ocean after dark, holding hands and kissing someone new. If you attach to this amorous evening then it keeps you from creating another one.

Even if you’re with the same person, and you both attempt to retrace everything you did previously – it won’t be the same. Your attachment to the past prevents you from being present. There’s magic in the power of now. If you’re attached, you actually distract yourself from being present.

Your mind and body may still be going back in time in hopes of recreating it. At the very least, this creates disappointment. If these thoughts continue, you may find that you’d prefer to be alone instead of being accompanied. What happened?

In your chaining yourself to something good, you make it impossible to enjoy the next moment. If you’ve experienced this then you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t you might feel disheartened and even upset that you can’t recreate the special feelings again.

Negotiating your attachments isn’t a good idea.

I know I’ve done it. I make little deals within myself that I’ll keep this attachment but release that one. It’s the Let’s Make A Deal of attachments. In negotiating your detachment you activate even more energy tied to the person, place or thing.

Your allocation of energy is everything. As you go forward you do yourself quite a favor to be free, of the past and your attachments, so you can continue to advance. When you manage your attachments it drains you energetically. It might sound weird, but think of the responsibilities of librarian.

You have to catalog each attachment, like books, in organizing what one will be released and keep the rest. Releasing all attachments is like having a to-do list with nothing on it. As you negotiate your attachments there’s increased energy in trying to keep track of the various categories. And these managing these attachments, take from you consuming time and energy.

In one way, attachments are like weeds, they’ll want to sprout up all over your life. I don’t know of anyone who is perfect in the process of detaching but you’ll find the happiness people on Earth are those who are consciously exercising their choice to remain unencumbered.

At this juncture, let talk specifically about how you can break free from your attachments.

1. Seeing your attachments.

If you’ve ever gone bowling, you know that you stand on a line, bowling ball in hand, staring at ten bowling pens set down like an equilateral triangle. If you bowl correctly, you can hit the pins in such a way to take all ten pins out. That’s called a strike. I’m not the biggest fan of bowling but I do like efficiency.

In learning how to remove detachments you’ve got to be able to identify them. As you recognize individual attachments you’re going to notice that they appear in clumps, clusters or patterns. This is good, because like bowling, with a little focused concentration you can take a bunch of attachments out in one maneuver.

If I’ve got you excited about detaching in bulk, then I’m enthusiastic too. But let’s reel it back a little. If you want to rid yourself of attachment, I’ll take you to those places where you’re most likely to find groups of them. It’s said, that the kitchen sponge has more germs than a public restroom. You and I are looking for places where attachments gather, just like germs on the common kitchen sponge.

2. Where to find your strongest attachments.

Let’s play a little game. I’m going to ask you a multiple choice question. And you get to pick the best answer. Ready?

Where will you find your greatest number of attachments?
A.) Your birth family
B) Your spouse and family
C) Your address book
D) People you’ve dated
E) All the above.

Okay, you’ve got a 20% chance of answering this question accurately. Well, what’s your answer? I made it pretty easy don’t you think? It’s all of the above.

If you went to your phone, computer or iPad and loaded up your address book I think you’ll find a whole bunch of attachments in there. It wouldn’t hurt to really sit down and feel how, where and even why some these attachments came to be. Then pull out your Harry Potter wand and release them.

3. How to release your first attachment.

You see it. It’s not pretty but it’s an attachment anyway. Oftentimes attachments go to certain places or epicenters within your body. These are called chakras.

Feel where this attachment might originate in or on your body. See it. Now, focus in releasing it. It’s a simple as sending a letter.

Once you drop your mail into a mailbox you can’t retrieve it, it’s gone! Same thing here. Be clear once you’ve initiated your intent to severe the cord-like attachment that it’s released. If you’re sensitive or empathetic then you’ll feel it.

A word of caution. If you’re detaching from somebody. And that somebody has been clinging, they may reach out to try and reattach. Stand firm. You don’t need to be fill other people’s gas tanks.

In dependency, somebody may feel your letting go and want to negotiate with you in how to remain connected. Don’t pick up the phone. Don’t respond to the text. Don’t do anything except stay resolute that your detaching is real.

4. After you’ve detached once, now it’s time to do it again.

This process is exactly like cleaning out your clothes closet. When you throw out the first article of clothing the subsequent decisions become easier. Lovingly, place these items in a detachment pile. Then randomly choose another name out of your address book. Are you attached to this person in any way?

If you are, in what ways are you attached? Maybe it’s a physical attachment. I once paid for a big-ticket item for my brother-in-law using my credit card. He never payed me back. This amount became my debt.

In this scenario, I need to make sure that I was physically as well as emotionally detached from the event. We all know that it’s only money. I needed to let go. When I did, I felt free. Weird? Not really, there’s a correlation.

5. How do you know if you’re truly detached?

You can feel it. Most of the time you’ll feel more open in the very moment of your letting go. If you’ve been holding onto something for a long time, it may take your body and mind a minute to get used to no longer carrying the weight.

Don’t fool yourself about letting go if you haven’t. There are times you may “think” you have let something go when in fact you’re haven’t. Being honest with yourself is vital in your detaching. By the way, there’s no harm in releasing incrementally.

There may be times, or situations, where you are unable to let go in one single swoop. Own it. Don’t resist the fact that you couldn’t release in one sitting. That said, be diligent and focused in seeing it through. If you remain dedicated to your detachment, you will have what you’re asking for.

6. Can we talk for a moment about spiritually releasing an attachment?

The art of detaching is done virtually the same way regardless if the person, thing or event is tangible. Let me restate that, if you’re trying to release someone who’s no longer alive the process is the same. It might seem unexpected that you would have attachments to people, whom you’ve once known or shared experiences with.

I think releasing spiritually is immensely important. The reason why I say this, is because I know of a lot of people who are truly unaware of their attachments – * especially in the spiritual world.*

As we’ve been talking, there is no such things as good or bad attachments. Attachments are weights, burdens or debts that keep you from being and expressing yourself in totality. Tending to any of your spiritual attachments in one sense is more important that dealing with your physical or emotional attachments. Technically, they’re all the same.

As you already know, you can’t release a spiritual attachment if you’re not willing to acknowledge it’s presence. I’m putting aside any story or reasons why such a spiritual attachment exists, I’m just commenting that it’s undesired. Spiritually letting go is done through free-will-choice.

However, you may be hung up on the idea that the deceased, in spiritual form, should be the first t let go. Without offending anybody, this is a silly thought. Does it really matter if I tell you that I like you before wanting for you to say you like me first?

No, it doesn’t matter. There have been plenty of circumstances where I’ve helped someone detach from someone who’s passed. And there are cases where the soul of someone is clinging on. As a quick note, this will only happen physically or spiritually if someone feels dependent.

Helping the spirit to let go of the physical, and even you the person, should that be the case, is a tremendous releasement for them too. It’s a path to moving forward. Detaching doesn’t means never remembering or forgetting it’s about allowing yourself to once again be free.

7. It’s time to let you go.

(Laughing I couldn’t help myself.) Let me offer this summary as our conclusion in how to break free from your attachments.

In the beginning I said, I would offer you some very specific ways to detach. We now know attachment is a cord that can be created emotionally, physically or spiritually. Being attached always comes at a cost and that is always going to be your suffering. Yes, others can suffer too, by being attached but in this moment I’m concentrating with you.

How to detach comes in seeing your attachment. We also discussed places where you’re most likely to be attached. Oftentimes your attachments grow like weeds. Getting rid of one is as simple as getting rid of them all. We also discussed, in our bowling analogy, that if you are interested in releasing a whole acre of attachments you can.

We also learned that cleaning your clothes closet out is detaching. Once you start clearing the clutter it gets easier as you go. The key here is to continue cleaning. This is suggested only because the mind continues to create new attachments the moment that you’ve released the old ones. Think of this like cleaning your garage only to go to another family’s garage sale to buy things that you don’t need.

Lastly, you know you’ve truly detached because of how it feels. This can take place concurrently and if it takes time, so be it. Continue to be persistent in your letting go, even if something isn’t perfectly released in your first attempt. Be patient while also being reminded that letting go is actually quite easy. Remember always, that being detached means that you’re free.

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