After providing over 15,000 hours in session and speaking, I recognize that… “You’re much stronger and more empowered than you think you are…”
How your FAMILY SECRETS keep you in the DARK
There are family secrets and then there are family secrets. I think you know what I mean…
Everyone has family secrets. Many of these things you’ve keep quiet about because maybe you thought you had too. It’s likely you were taught that keeping family secrets was an important part of being a family. But are your family secrets really protecting your you or your family? Further, could they be hurting you?
The range of family secrets are so varied it would be impossible to list them but there’s one thing all secrets have in common – the energy it takes to keep them in place. Unfortunately, outside of the family, our secrets are used as some kind of strange social currency to use against one another to get ahead. You can see this is in; politics, business and even in our most intimate relationships.
If you drill down to where all of this kind of behavior started it’s likely you’ll end up observing some pretty wicked family secrets that may have you tied up. Not every family secret is bad or dark but if you’re carrying someone else’s secrets maybe it’s time to let it go.
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Episode 055 of True Connections with Weston Jolly
Transcription: Family Secrets (How your family secrets keep you in the dark)
Let me tell you a story. No, it’s not about three little bears or Cinderella. It’s about secret stuff that you don’t want anybody to know. No doubt your body may coil at the idea that something might get out because after all you’ve spending your whole life protecting these secrets.
To your surprise these secrets don’t have to be big or audacious but still you can’t talk about them. Undoubtedly these secrets are protected like carrying a bag of gold coins. And like precious metal they are hidden away so that no one will ever find them.There’s only one remarkable difference between precious metal and our secrets. Secrets aren’t at all precious. Or at least the kind I’m going to be talking about.
The story of dad’s medicine
Once upon a time, a young boy of five was asked to go the refrigerator to get his dad’s medicine. With joy to help his dad feel better, he stopped playing cars on the living room floor and walked into the kitchen in front of the large white refrigerator door that always seemed to be stuck. With a quick and sudden pull, the door cracked from it’s tight seal and the four foot tall child looked inside for the red and white cylinder with special writing on the outside that held his dad’s medicine. He grabbed the cold container and walked back into the living room, handing it to his father sitting in the Lazy-Boy recliner.
His dad’s hands moved instinctively quick to open the top. It was a magic lid. He couldn’t open the special medicine because the lid was too hard for little boys to open. He’d once tried but he was heavily scolded by both his parents, for attempting to open dad’s medicine.
I heard of this story directly from the young man himself, now in his late 20’s. You could feel his shame when he said it to me in a whisper, “You know…. I didn’t know that a can of Budweiser wasn’t medicine until I was about 18.”
In another account, a man in his mid 40’s and I were talking. He told me quietly about having his hands tied up every night before he went to bed as a child. I asked, “Why?” and he said, “So my hands can’t get loose.” The constraint I understood but it was the reason behind the extreme confinement that I didn’t. His voice cracked dramatically making it even harder to hear when he said as he spoke, “….You know… so I won’t touch myself.”
I sat is silence as the man continued to share a secret that probably no one had ever heard before. “Dad, would tie my hands to the sides of my pajamas so that I couldn’t…” As his voice fell off. “I got it,” I replied.
Curiously, I asked, “How did you urinate in the middle of the night?” knowing that boys need often need to visit the bathroom. “Initially, it was hard but I could wiggle my bottoms down enough to go to the bathroom and then wiggle them back up when I was done without too much trouble.” He replied rather objectively.
The find of a lifetime
When I was young I had a minibike with a tiny lawnmower engine. It was illegal to ride my minibike on the streets so I navigated the dirt alleys between the houses to get the desert behind our subdivision. One day, I was ridding making my way through the back alleys to the desert when and I saw a stack of magazines next to a garbage can. I stopped. It was the find of a lifetime.
There must have been over fifty Playboy magazines left for the garbage man. Of course, all I wanted to do was read the great journalism so I quickly did a u-turn and headed for back to the house so I could come back with something to carry the large stash. Upon returning home, my best friend spotted me and I shared the phenomenal news.
My friend and I quickly discussed and created a plan to put the magazines into two nicely labeled grocery bags so that no one would be the wiser. We agreed that no one, not even our siblings, could know of the nature of our find because if our secret got out we’d loose the magazines for sure. My best friend and I discussed where we could hide the magazines because there were so many. The best idea we could come up with was to go into the desert and dig a deep hole and to bury them.
Of course we didn’t have this idea until after we had two full grocery sacks full of Playboy. One of us lost the coin toss, as the other went back home again this time to get a shovel. We’d been so excited about the volume of our find that we really hadn’t time to do any “proper reading” because we were so focused on getting what I’d found hidden.
After digging a hole, and I mean a large hole, we buried our treasure. It was done. Several hours later, and now dinner time, we both had to hustle home so nobody would start looking for us or ask any unwanted questions.
The following day after riding the bus home from school, my best friend and I ran anxiously into the desert to properly review all the two page pictures of things we’d never seen so exquisitely detailed. We went to the spot where we buried our treasure only the day before only to find it was all gone. Mad as hell, I turned to my best friend and accused him of telling about our secret.
The real meaning of secrets
It’s true that finding and hiding Playboy magazines in an alleyway isn’t exactly a family secret but this story serves as a perfect example of what I want to talk about. While everyone now knows of my previously unpublished boyhood story you can’t properly appreciate the energy it took to keep the short-term secret.
Finding the treasure was easy. The expenditure in energy wasn’t. There was excitement. There was taking a risk to share the secret with my best friend.
There was the hauling of the loot. And there was extensive digging and then there was exhaustive protection to keep the secret a secret. Even though the secret only lasted about a day.
You see with every secret there’s an enormous energy in keeping the secret. Most of the time, when we keep a secret it becomes a debt or a liability. I’m not suggesting everything needs to come to the surface for you to grow and develop spiritually, but certain secrets may be the cause of your; pain, imbalance, and inability to spiritually connect.
Let me tell you why? The deeper your secret the more likely it’s keeping you in the dark. Whatever you’re protecting consumes a great deal of your energy. It’s my specific purpose to show you how keeping your family secrets keeps you in the dark. This podcast may push you to really think about what things you’ve kept secret about your family or even yourself.
Keeping family secrets doesn’t pay off
My dad drank. It was supposed to be a secret. At least that’s what my brother and I were told. We weren’t to tell anybody. And we didn’t. If confronted about my father’s drinking my brother and I lied.
A close friend once commented on the number of beer cans that filled the entire trash container in the alley behind our house. You know the ones that are supposed to be used by at least four other families. I responded, “My dad’s never even been drunk!” My friend launched into a direct assault and we nearly fought with me defending the family name while lying about my dad’s issue.
It wasn’t just dad either. My grandfather, a top of his class Harvard graduate, killed himself. I certainly never talked about that. It was an embarrassment. Mostly for my mom and it felt absolutely dreadful to ask any questions about my grandfather’s life or anything related to his death.
I’m pretty sure my mom saw the self-inflected gunshot of her father and this is why she didn’t want to talk about it. I get it. But it’s not like she could hide having a dad one day while the next she didn’t. By the way, immediately moving away from the neighborhood -which is what my grandmother did – didn’t work.
As an example, of how keeping family secrets doesn’t pay off, my mom took this family secret to her grave. Certainly, a handful of people knew or found out. But it took an enormous toll on my mom to keep this quiet. When I say it took a lot of energy, I’m speaking emotionally and physically. One could even say this secret cost her, my mom, her life.
This podcast is about us. You see, I observe a great deal of secret information during private consultations. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize the strength and power it takes to keep a family secret. The only reason we want to get in touch with our family secrets is to ensure that you’re free of them. Specifically, that these secrets aren’t having an adverse effect on you.
Want to hear some more secrets? Of course you do, everyone loves secrets. Remember, every secret is heavy for the person that carries it.
- A thirty year old, who’s father was a convicted pedophile, had a hard time growing up keeping the secret that his father was in jail for a sex crime.
- A 12-year old girl, held onto the secret that her 10-year old brother was permanently relocated out-of-state to a rehab center for drug issues. Because I was aware, she avoided me entirely all the way through our High School graduation.
- A cop’s son got hooked on opioids when injured in football and was personally accused of manslaughter when his best friend never woke up after they both got high. (drug overdose)
- A teenager was forced to babysit her infant baby brother because of her parent’s neglectfully never being home. One night, the baby started crying and crying and was accidentally dropped by her teenage sister. I listened to the grown woman much later, wail about the years she’d held that secret somehow thinking that she’d killed her own brother. Of course it was an accident and it wasn’t her fault.
All of this isn’t about secrets per se but rather the energy used in protecting them, especially when it comes to our family secrets.
Do you need to tell everyone your family secrets?
This may sound counter intuitive but the answer is “no.” It’s not important to tell anything private or even secretive in nature. What is imperative is your not carrying protective energy surrounding such events or thoughts. My dad was an alcoholic. I think everyone will understand that I don’t need to march around telling everybody but I don’t need to harbor his discomfort or pain.
Did you hear what I said there? My mom’s had enormous pain over the fact that her father killed himself. Understandable, from a child’s perspective that she lost her dad. But… I don’t need to feel her shame, embarrassment or pain. It’s not healthy for me.
The same is true for you too. You don’t need to hold onto anything of the past, but especially any of your family secrets.
How does holding onto family secrets keep you in the dark?
Remember this, the more that you protect the less that you are able to receive. As an example, think about when you drive. You make the car move forward by pressing down the accelerator but if you’re standing on the brake concurrently you’re putting a heavy strain on your car.
Let’s take a look at this same example from another perspective. If you approach such a vehicle, one that is still traveling at a consistent speed but tapping or always on their brakes, you interact much differently than you would when someone is driving normally. This same indecisiveness is seen by the Universe responding to you, wanting to go forward, as you stand on the brakes.
Energetically, continuing with the car example, you’re prematurely wearing the car out. The same is true with any undesired stress placed on your body and health. Holding secrets creates stress such that it may be unconsciously keep you from expressing.
When you think of the word “dark” think of having the lights turned off. You can’t see. Again, if you’re driving, you drive slower. This is directly applicable to manifestation but there’s more to being in the dark.
How do you overturn maintaining family secrets —especially when you know better?
Being in the dark, as I’m now referencing it, refers to absence of Light. As in the Light. Without Light you’re directionless. Have you ever been really lost?
I mean seriously lost where the adrenaline hits and you freak out a little or maybe you have a full all out panic attack? Well, all of this maintenance in keeping secrets consumes a bunch of energy. With no light you’re going to be lost or at least confused. Stay confused or lost long enough and you’ll give up hope.
Hope is minimum wage to your getting by. It may not even pay for the bills. It certainly won’t give you clarity to what you want to create. And all of this because once upon a time you determined, chose, or were told to maintain a family secret.
Now let’s answer the question in how to overcome hosting a secret that’s not personally yours to hold. It’s easy, you need to stop protecting the secret or those individuals or groups behind them. Let me be plain.
My mom had her secrets and dad had his, and if you’re anything like me, you take these choices on as a weird kind of admission to being part of the family. My dad was involved in a secret organization called the Masons. I won’t get into the details but being admitted was founded on each person preserving the secrets that bound each member together as a part of the group.
This is where we can get confused thinking that there’s value in holding onto a family secret for the benefit of the family. Let me share this in another way. If I was affiliated in a Church, I would likely have deep values and beliefs about the organization. I might even feel it’s my duty to keep secrets about those things or people who are out-of-balance.
This is where you hear such sayings like, “It’s for the greater good for ____________ ” Insert the name of the organization, family, business, political group or nation. If you see this for what it is, we, those affiliated within the family or organization don’t want to be embarrassed by the secret so we lie. Every time we individually choose this we are absolutely entering into the dark. Study this enough and you’ll really see the ego.
The dark not only keeps you blind it also directly impacts your personal connection
It’s cool thing to know that we are all connected. But not so much, if you think that our connection is going to reveal all of your secrets. This is because so much of the time the secrets we use as some kind of social currency to barter with others to get what we want.
The bigger the secret the biggest the leverage of how this information can be used against you. Let’s take a very recent example. The CEO of McDonald’s stepped down this week because it was discovered he had a consensual affair with an employee. Having a relationship with another within an organization isn’t necessarily the issue, but it’s the potential abuse of such a relationship that is often put into the corporate bylaws to ensure healthy leadership. In this case, this secret cost the CEO his job.
Can you see that the anyone in a leadership role who isn’t willing to abide by the same laws that he or she has constructed that this creates a personal connection problem? This disruption of connection can and does impact leadership. Even more personally, it creates a break in our spiritual connection with Source and one another.
Can you see and imagine all the energy that it goes to maintain such a secret when in fact this same energy could be used to take you forward. The stockholders of McDonald’s had an issue with that. They evidently felt it affected the value of the company and the value of the family brand that McDonald’s highly prizes.
Letting go of big fat harry family secrets will make you feel better
Anything of real value should fuel you. Again, think of energy, Source energy as the most precious resource you could possibly access. Any family secret keeping from this Light and energy source will inhibit your living fully and creating. It doesn’t matter the secret, letting go of any energy to protect it is.
I can’t think of one healthy person I’ve met or talked to who didn’t feel measurably better when they let go of a family secret. Not one. This is quite a statistic. This very benefit, if the only one, is reason enough for you to let go. You’ve all heard the saying, “The Truth Will Set You Free” and nothing is more accurate than letting go of the energy any secret that isn’t in balance for you.
In summary of how your family secrets keep you in the dark. Any secret that takes energy for you to keep may be worth your reviewing it. If you’re carrying, and I mean carrying emotionally or physically dropping them is crucial. It’s not your job to keep family secrets and any such stories of your past don’t necessarily need to be broadcast either. The man who thought that cans of Budweiser was medicine was certain to have been embarrassed to having been lied to about beer being his father’s medicine but what a relief it must have been to let go.
Imagine what releasing any family secrets will do for you? You’ll find that you have more energy to express. Your body will feel drastically better. Especially, if you’ve been struggling and didn’t know why. You now know that keeping family secrets actually keeps you in the dark.
With no Light, there’s confusion and a feeling of despair and even feeling lost. Not protecting those that you love isn’t the only way to be a part of a family or organization. So here’s to you letting go of any family secrets that no longer need to be carried by you.
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