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How to BE yourself with your family during the holidays
Wouldn’t you rather be yourself in your family gathering? (Even if they’re difficult)
They can’t be that bad. But maybe they are. Being with your family, especially over the holidays can be difficult. What if you didn’t have to accommodate or be small? What if you could just be yourself?
Lunch with Sarah is father (spiritual channel) and daughter straight up talk about how to be with family during Christmas or Hanukkah. Filled with direct questions and wonderful insight of how to enjoy your holiday season instead of enduring it.
Click on the above media player or read the full transcript below.
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Thank you for joining us for this podcast
Episode 057 of True Connections with Weston Jolly
Transcription: How to BE yourself with your family during the holidays
Weston: [00:00:44] Thank you, everybody, for joining me for another Lunch with Sarah. I have my beautiful daughter with me again. So thank you for coming back.
Sarah: [00:00:51] Hello. Hi. Thanks for having me.
Weston: [00:00:55] Well, my pleasure. And, of course . . . don’t think you know… but everyone kind of liked ya.
Sarah: [00:01:01] That’s really kind. I thought so, too.
Weston: [00:01:04] But no, they really did. And so thank you for your feedback, everybody, for participation and Sarah wanted to join us again. And she’s going to lead us in another discussion on family.
Weston: [00:01:15] Uh oh, is that a good thing? That’s yet to be determined.
Sarah: [00:01:22] Well, we were thinking about what we were going to chat about during lunch this week. Yes. And Christmas Holiday Season is upon us. It’s the time of year to be with family. That’s actually my favorite part of this time of year. Getting the time off of work is for me all about being with my family and having the time to see everybody. I’m glad you feel that way. Well, I wouldn’t get too excited about this yet.
Sarah: [00:01:50] Just kidding.
Sarah: [00:01:51] Okay. I mean, for me, I see my family often. So this isn’t too different from the rest of the year for me. But I know a lot of my friends or even my significant other really only gets to see family on holidays. So it’s a really special time. Although sometimes that can be really intimidating and or bring up a lot of stuff because you’re not seeing family that often. So we could see this backwards actually while everyone else is having gone through this pain once or twice a year.
Weston: [00:02:21] Thanksgiving and Christmas, we do it all the time?
Sarah: [00:02:25] Does that mean we’re just like numb to it? Maybe. But I think there’s real value in what you’re bringing up. So.
Sarah: [00:02:32] Yes, so it just got me thinking, is there something about even the group dynamic of getting everybody together in one room for one day or two days vs. having lunch with your mom, calling your dad on the phone, going to see a movie with your brother or sister? There seems to be something about the holidays where everyone is together in one place that feels like what I would consider, like a Fourth of July of triggers like firework, firework, firework, firework.
Sarah: [00:03:08] And even if I go into it feeling really Zen, maybe someone else is lighting off triggers and ultimately something that someone will say, even though I think I have a fine, normal, even good relationship with my family. Sure. That I’ll feel like, I’ll start to feel childish or I’ll start to feel like I need to assert myself or that I need to have my opinion known, or sometimes that I need to fix someone else or, so, or accommodate, or walk on eggshells.
Weston: [00:03:42] Right.
Sarah: [00:03:42] Oh gosh, that one too. And then you beat yourself up after you leave. I should have said X, Y and Z. So um, This is really good, Sarah. I think it’s an interesting topic. Yeah. Because I think a lot of this stuff that comes up is sometimes conscious. And then sometimes it’s also subconscious.
Sarah: [00:03:59] So maybe we can talk about that, too. But let’s just start off by saying, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
Weston: [00:04:11] Well, we all know that you can really sing, so why don’t you try that again.
Sarah: [00:04:16] What’s our song that has the Holly? It’s a Holly, Jolly Christmas.
Sarah: [00:04:22] That’s more what it’s like for us. But.
Weston: [00:04:25] Are you ready to talk about it? I’m set, but can I dig in? Yeah. So the trigger thing in terms of becoming aware that, you know, you can walk into an environment and this environment, of course, is of your past. And when I say past in terms of your birth family, and we have all of these memories and all of these pieces of our experiences that maybe haven’t been processed as a complete. And so when that’s not complete, it’s very, very easy to be triggered. And I’ll just use the word shell, which is referencing the ego or the ego just goes, well, it’s my turn to speak and we need to be competitive based upon how many people are talking at the same time at the dinner table. Yeah. And that I need to be heard. But this is, I think, huge for a lot of people and yet it’s all tied to the past.
Sarah: [00:05:16] I completely agree with you. And you were just talking about like the dinner table, which is where a lot of this stuff comes up. But I was also thinking with family. I’ll just talk about me. But I think this could apply to maybe a lot of other people. Is I tie a lot of my identity to my family, because I’m trying to think, how come I don’t necessarily feel the need to assert my ideas, my opinions, my thoughts? I don’t feel the need to tell people how I’ve grown, to even show off with my group of friends, but with my family I do. So I’ll feel like, like here’s my time to show that I’m not, I’m not 32 anymore. I’m 33. And here’s my new ideas, Right. And I’ve grown in the way of X, Y and Z or I’ve opened my mind and I’m wanting to let my family know. I’m wanting to assert myself more and really create my identity with my family. And I’m even trying to, in those family situations, disassociate from my past identity, with my family. And I’m wondering if that’s why some of those triggers more come up with family vs. friends. You know what I mean?
Weston: [00:06:38] Yeah, I do. But I think you’re on something really significant. And if I can kind of re-frame that just a little bit. Yeah. Your permission? Our birth families are, of course are our first places where we create, we are, we live or we have a structure created for us and we get used to that structure. Then at one point through our maturing and growing up, hopefully we leave the family. What I mean by that is we go through adolescence, we become a teen and then at one point, there’s a re-identification process in terms of who I am outside of the family, probably the first time that we actually do that. And then as we continue down that path in terms of discovering who we really are, not just what we’ve created or the color of my hair or the color of my eyes type thing. We have a whole other opportunity to become aware. But we’re still connected, slash, sometimes tied, or I’ll even say attached, but not necessarily always in such a healthy way. Some of these memories are of our first family and what you were describing a moment ago. A lot of times is we want to impress Mom and Dad, through the idea this is what I’ve done this year and this is what I’m thinking this year.
Weston: [00:07:49] Right. Which you may or may not do with your friends, sometimes you would, but um hoping to get, you know, their external approval, which is low level to their praise. And the worst, of course, would be to announce something that would be stupendous in your eyes, and then suddenly the family casts like a vote. Ooh wee which is 123456, how many members that we have in the family are voting against your idea, or we don’t agree. And that can be like a double hit to the stomach or, you know, right between the eyes. So I think that’s something really important to observe. But the trick, if I can call it that, is to become aware and not necessarily realize that anymore, especially in our spiritual tract, that we don’t need to be tied to these external reflections, inclusive of our families, so that we can really honor ourselves as who we are. And then, of course, our families are the one place, hopefully, that we will really, really be embraced for who we are, not just the experimental parts. Does that make sense?
Sarah: [00:08:52] Yeah, it does make sense. I’m having two thoughts when you’re saying that. One is, I’m just going to go with that avenue first.
Sarah: [00:09:01] You said in the very end, you said our family should be the place that embraces us for who we are. I know that’s not the case for a lot of people. That’s true. And I think that’s even where a lot of conflict comes from.
Weston: [00:09:17] Internal and external. Yeah. OK. So with the family birth family, that doesn’t honor who you are. I’m thinking of a young man that we knew that you went to school with and he made a pretty serious proclamation about his sexual orientation and his family completely rejected him at a very early age.
Weston: [00:09:40] And you know who I’m talking about, and get the opportunity for him to do it anyway, not because he was trying to shall we say, piss off his family, but rather just to be who he is, is really, you know, I’ll call it the biggest gesture or the biggest gift that you could ever give yourself. Right. And so while there’s always going be some kind of desire, some secret kind of hope that that person or those people I’m speaking of mom, dad, brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and however that looks, that they might actually approve or like or really get on board to what you’ve done or who you are. The real truth is you don’t need it. And when I say you don’t need it, you don’t need to force that of those individuals. And in the state of openness, you’ll find that you create it, but not necessarily with the biological family that you came into. And that’s. It’s weird, but it is the coolest thing that you could ever experience. So the family that you’re trying to force, that is your birth family and I’m talking about all the interrelations of that, when we don’t do that, when we just reclaim who we are, and to me in totality, then we actually draw into ourselves as other family like members. And that could be spiritual, physical that literally are participating with us in genuine support of who we are. And then your world changes and then,
Sarah: [00:11:05] Can we get just a little deeper into that? Because you’re bringing up really great topics. I want to make sure that we don’t brush over them too generally, Surely. So I think you brought up a great, great example. So let’s say that you’re coming home for the holidays and this year you’re out of the closet. Let’s say you’re coming home and you’re in your mid 30s and you live in the Midwest and you ain’t married yet. Right. And that’s going to be a big issue. Right. Let’s say you’re from a family that really looks at men as achievers, and you go to work. And this year, you lost your job and you’ve been unemployed for a year. Whatever your personal situation is. And you’re talking about your birth family vs. a family that you might create that supports you. But what do you do in situations where you’re spending whatever your affiliation is, Christmas, The Holidays, Hanukkah, whatever? Doesn’t matter. Your time doesn’t even have to be during the holiday season. Right. But your time with your actual family.
Sarah: [00:12:12] How do you? Lets just ask the hard question, how do you sit in a room of people that don’t accept you? And, how do you even still feel love for yourself and still feel love for them?
Weston: [00:12:27] Well, I guess I think that’s a very valid question, but I think I want to reframe that to what I was suggesting before and now I’m going to say it outloud, which is that’s not important. It wasn’t before. And although its perceived as important, but especially today, it’s just not important to who you really are. So what I’m saying is we don’t need that external approval. I don’t need dad’s approval or mom’s approval or my daughter’s approval about whatever changes or whatever choices that I’m making, even if that’s out of balance with regards to who I really am. And when we detach in that way, it changes something within us.
Weston: [00:13:04] Instead of that being an endurance contest where I’m having to be with my family, you know, for this lunch, or this dinner, or this tea, it becomes, and you may hear caustic comments of the past or things that would be would be triggers. And you know what? You just kind of lock them down, out within your own self. This is interesting. That’s even clearer in terms of how my mom thought and does think with regards to what I should or shouldn’t do.
Weston: [00:13:33] We talked about that earlier, how family sometimes walks into the room and says you should be doing this. And, you know, that’s a huge trigger for me.
Weston: [00:13:43] And, and clearly something that most people would have a trigger to when we’re told what we . . .
Sarah: [00:13:49] Yes. Should or shouldn’t do, that I should be living my life the way you’re living your life, because that’s usually what happens with family.
Weston: [00:13:57] Well, and what that tells us, again, is think of us having individual shells, slash ego, and we have a family ego.
Sarah: [00:14:07] I was just thinking that when you were saying that, that it’s not just about my identity, it’s more the identity that I’m a part of this whole family. And so it’s his whole family identity or ego, Right. That I want to be proud to be a part of,
Sarah: [00:14:21] and therefore, it’s really upsetting when someone has really different views from me because I don’t want to be associated with that. And they’re probably thinking the same thing about me if our views are very different. You know what I mean?
Weston: [00:14:35] I do. And it’s much like a business, a marketing brand. We’re trying to protect the image of the brand. And, you know, and the brand here is a Jolly Brand.
Sarah: [00:14:45] We call our brand, the Jolly Kingdom, and that’s what we toast to every year. The Jolly Kingdom!
Weston: [00:14:50] Well, which is true. But we don’t think of ourselves as kings and queens for, say, as much as just,.
Sarah: [00:14:56] I do.
Weston: [00:14:56] You do? OK. Just a gathering or a group and to be united in that way. But it’s not about having to protect who we are.
Weston: [00:15:06] I mean, for example, our image a lot of times, especially this time of year, is that we always have to be happy. Yeah, Jolly happy. Right? And yet we are. I mean, I think we generally are. We’re happy people. I think that’s fair to say. Yeah. But you know darn well we’re not all the time. And that’s something to appreciate it. But no one needs to protect in the Jolly Kingdom, our brand. We can just be ourselves. Right. And if someone comes to dinner or Christmas dinner or any other function. Any other time of year.
Weston: [00:15:36] And that we can’t accept that, then that’s something that’s an issue that each individual has to come to their own personal growth or personal development to appreciate and then ultimately say, you know what doesn’t matter? I don’t need my dad’s approval any longer. And when we make that shift within ourselves, it changes everything.
Sarah: [00:15:56] It’s so empowering. Don’t you think? Absolutely. And it’s difficult. I understand. I want to make it sound easier said than done. But I do, actually. I mean, I know you’re right, because the ego in the mind is going to make everything seem harder. Right. Than it is. But, you know, I really agree with you, and I think you brought up a great topic. Like there’s always that meme that circulates the Internet this time of year that it starts with Thanksgiving. It’s about like, you know, get ready for Thanksgiving dinner. And that one crazy uncle that talks about politics or that one aunt that’s, you know, a bigot or a religion. Right. Exactly. And I think that sets us up to feel like we all have to think the same to get along.
Sarah: [00:16:40] And the truth is, I don’t think we do. I think you could be sitting next to someone that has radically different beliefs or even feelings about things than you do. And it’s not about one person being right or being wrong. Even if I’m really feel like I’m going on a limb saying this publicly. Yeah what? But even if your beliefs, you feel are universally right, do you know what I mean by that? No? OK. So like I believe that love is universally right. Sure. Okay. And I don’t believe that hate is universally right. OK. But in this world, people have the right to love or hate. And we’re watching that play out.
Sarah: [00:17:25] We’re watching that more than ever. It’s always been happening.
Sarah: [00:17:28] But because of the rise of the Internet and all that, we’re watching it more, and with more transparency. Yeah. And so. So even a dilemma that I’ve come up with or come up to, is, I wouldn’t want to be opposed in my vantage point of love and inclusivity. But if I shut down and judge someone else who is sitting at my same table. This actually happened to me last year, was at a dinner with some friends and some friends of friends. So I didn’t really know everyone that well and someone there was, I never experienced this in my life, someone there was openly racist, and was, and didn’t feel shy or, and straight up said at one point, Oh yeah, I am a little racist and was talking about, and it was so triggering for me and upsetting. Sure. And I started fuming. I had my boyfriend next to me grabbing my hand calming me down, because I was like, I’m going to fly off the flippin handle at this person. I don’t want to be associated with you. And they got up from the table for a minute and I let the whole. I’m even shaking talking about it now. And I let the whole table know I’m not okay with this. That person needs to go back to wherever they’re from, and essentially I found myself in such a conundrum about it because I felt like me completely rejecting them and not even wanting to sit at the same table with them. Is that not the exact same thing that they’re doing to me?
Weston: [00:19:06] It is. And, you know, you’re describing some of this. I think it couldn’t be more perfectly timed today in our families, within ourselves and certainly even in our communities. And certainly I have to reflect politics as well, that there hasn’t been a desire to create unity. And this unity has to come from within ourselves. So the idea that someone is having such an horrible thought or belief system, let’s say horrible in terms of how it’s perceived by you to being completely opposite of yours, I think to get back to your universal thought that if you’re really loving, then loving doesn’t mean that you have to endorse them. Right. Or to back them or to be quiet in their presence. But but lovingly appreciate that this is a paradigm that’s taught, that’s all prejudice is, if you really get into it. Right. And then that’s a fear of something that they don’t even know. But that’s presuming that they want to be educated to get out of that. And some people don’t. And so if we can just really appreciate that without necessarily thinking that something, and here’s a keyword, being taken from you see, there’s no need for you to defend that. And there’s no need for you to fear that anyone else at that table is going to think that you’re racist, that you have radical beliefs, what am I trying to say, yeah, racial prejudice. Yeah. Thank you, Racial prejudice. Racial prejudice when you don’t, and that can be said, you know, with charisma or that can be said just plainly, that I don’t really agree with the present view of what’s being talked about at the table, without having to pull out a club and go to war.
Sarah: [00:20:47] Well, you know what the real internal battle that happened for me was? I felt like I needed to battle them. I felt like it was the just thing to do. I actually felt extremely guilty for weeks after that I didn’t. And I also felt like I needed to change their mind to be like me. And then I really sat with that feeling for, that was what I came up to a few weeks after. A few months after, it really came full circle to this. I needed to change their mind. Their mind is not who they are. My mind is not who I am. We were just talking about ego and identity. That’s just an ego and identity. It is not who I am. It is not who you are. And I thought if I can accept wherever you are in your life and feel comfortable in my own skin, also accepting wherever I am in my life, we can easily sit at the same table together. And then in our own act of just sitting at a table together, two people who have very different views on things. Isn’t that acceptance? Isn’t that love? Isn’t that the opposite of prejudice? And I had some, I had peace with that thought. It’s really, I think you’re spot on.
Weston: [00:22:22] I just would add, just maybe one other word, from, I think of the word acceptance as a portal to coming into that energy, which is very powerful yet needed. And then to continue down that path as a suggestion, I’ll even call it a spiritual suggestion. We get to a place of honor, that we can actually honor that whole dynamic. Their polarity, if I can reflect it that way. But not in the idea that it’s real. Just honoring that their diehard stuck in that belief. And I say stuck, attached to, or firmly committed to. Stuck again implies that they should remove themselves from that belief, and that’s not necessarily the case. And the more that you get into connecting with source, of course, this is all allowed. And this isn’t just, this is a part of the polarity of this dynamic in terms of what we call earth, in terms of light and dark. And, you know, all of those those pieces of binary zeros and ones. So it’s exciting to see that, but without necessarily having to get lost in the idea that it has nothing to do with you. Right. That this whole family dynamic. And by the way, sometimes in that scenario, and you kind of, we talked about this in the beginning, is when we start to accommodate to a family member. Let’s remove our subject matter for the moment and just talk about family. When we start moving into the idea that I’m supposed to accommodate because this is dad or my brother based upon, you know, again, the past, maybe we can change that. Well, we don’t have to accommodate. We don’t have to participate in a role and responsibility beyond just being yourself. And then suddenly there’s not a need to protect yourself socially, again, emotionally and even from a physical perspective.
Sarah: [00:24:13] I absolutely love what you’re saying, and I hope that wasn’t a detour. I know it was about the same topic with a different situation in the story. No I think it’s real.
Weston: [00:24:21] Because I think, you know, people go into, especially today, sit down and have what should be or could be a very, very beautiful dinner.
Weston: [00:24:30] Then something pops out of somebody’s mouth and suddenly there’s a divide in the rooms like, oh, my God, no I’m rage eating.
Weston: [00:24:37] Yeah, we need to get to the other side. Rage eating or rage drinking. That’s the worst. Yeah, like that can really add to it, right? Did they really say that?
Sarah: [00:24:48] So. Well, I think that’s why. Right? Aren’t alcohol sales like the highest of the whole year this time of year, and don’t you think that’s for a reason.
Weston: [00:24:57] I think that has a lot to do with everyone wanting to, part of it be merry. Yeah. And the other part is we want to numb. We wouldn’t go to threat environment, if I’m going to have to be with aunt whomever, and deal with that, then where is that two bottles of wine that always helps me get through this experience.. I’m going to turn down my consciousness a little bit. Exactly. Yeah. So of course that doesn’t work. You just have a hangover and some things, . . . You’ll just deal with it next year.
Weston: [00:25:21] Maybe. Right?
Sarah: [00:25:25] So we talked about, you know, sitting at a table with people with different views. Yes. Than you. And I’m glad that we could get into that in some more detail, because I think that is much easier said than when you’re actually in that situation. So I’m glad we could get into that in more detail. Something else I’m thinking of, though, too, is this super unique dynamic that happens with family, is they knew you from birth. They know everything about you, and my brother knows how to pick a little teeny tiny scab until I’m losing it. And in the same manner, your family also, I feel like, knows how to make you laugh more than anybody else, because they also know every little thing about you. But the kind of opposite. And I’m not trying to just point out the negative things about family, but I want this to be useful for this type of year, time of year. So let’s talk about history with family, because sometimes in the past I feel like I’ve gotten in a family environment and I revert to being a teenager again or vice versa.
Sarah: [00:26:34] I’ve seen other family members.
Weston: [00:26:36] Well, you’re lucky because when I do that, I usually become a child. I skip being a teenager and go right to being a kid. And what I’m saying is I feel like I’m three and like I need to protect myself because someone’s hurt my feelings and I need to go back in the back.
Sarah: [00:26:47] Right.
Sarah: [00:26:47] My mom is like, “Sarah, you set the table” and I’m like, Mom, I’m not ready!
Weston: [00:26:55] Yeah. Anything else that used to be the dynamic. And then that includes how the table is set. What things could or couldn’t be talked about as kids, which of course, hopefully is evolving, slash really changing. Right? That we don’t need to do things that we did when we were three, four or five or 15 or 16.
Sarah: [00:27:14] The point is. Like we had a joke going on in our family that when we were kids, our mom stayed home with us and she was the best at home mom, and she cooked all the meals. And then when we grew up, me and Grant, you know, we went out, cooked our own meals, successful pre-adult or adult lives. And then we came back home we started to see a pattern that we went right back into, like 16 year old us, where mom cooks all the meals, we play games or do whatever. And, and then one year you’re like, why does that happen? We could all be cooking. We could all be helping. But when we all get together in a dynamic, we all revert back to what we remembered doing in this house. Right.
Weston: [00:28:02] And then, of course, I’m not going to speak for Karen. But she could have some real, real strong attachments to that, even quite negatively like it’s her job. Sure. To continue to cook. You know, the big, huge meal. And that would be the planning of it, the execution of it. And of course, it tastes bad or someone makes a comment that something not quite cook properly, then, of course, feel like someone kicked her, you know, through the stomach again. But I think we’re back to roles, responsibilities, and that these roles and responsibilities that we started with is a term we have to address and realize that much, if not all of them. Yeah. Aren’t real men. There’s no such thing. So we don’t need to do that. And so when we go into that pattern, it could be resolved as quick as to saying what are we collectively going to create versus, you know, us coming to your home and suddenly you having to go into the responsibilities that perhaps that you grow with, grew up with or exposed to. And the idea that you have to cook, plan, do other when that could be that of your partner, when he could do all that. Versus it being you. Or we could all bring the food to this occasion as well, right?
Sarah: [00:29:14] Yeah. I think a good thing to think about with that is the idea of presence, being in the present. Yes. Because like we said, sometimes family, even a home is like a time capsule. Then you just walk right back into old roles. And I think it’s a great habit just to take a nice breath from time to time. And just be in the now and say, I’m in the present. You don’t have to say it outloud.
Sarah: [00:29:43] Yeah, right. Well, you can whatever your thing is.
Sarah: [00:29:46] But, you know, anytime you take a breath. I just learned this recently, which is probably old school knowledge to a lot of people. But your breath is neither in the past or the future. It’s always happening right now. So it’s a great reminder when you take a breath that you’re just being in this moment right now and then take your actions from a place of that moment. And that could be part of the cure of..
Weston: [00:30:14] I think it’s not part of the cure, I think its THE cure. Because not necessarily the breath part, but the bringing yourself to balance and being in the . . . I have this this book The Magic of Now, which talks all about just being present. So, yeah, I think that’s tremendously important in terms of that contribution. And I know for myself, I still practice that, meaning even if I’m a dynamic, I will feel something and then I will just allow myself to go. Huh? Interesting. And of course, every time it takes me back to some previous moment and then I have to realize that’s not where I’m at. I’m not two days ago or five days ago or six years ago or fifty five years ago. I mean, however long that is? It’s just not today true.
Sarah: [00:31:00] You just said something so brilliant. Which is something will happen. And you mentioned that you take a moment. You take a space. You take a breath. Yes. I think that’s one of the the massive keys to the word trigger. Right The whole idea of a trigger is you pull a trigger. Boom. It’s instant, Right. And it’s out. It’s out. the gun. It’s too late. And taking a moment, realizing that you don’t have to react to everything instantly.
Weston: [00:31:27] Yet for me personally, within my personality type. And that’s like Im wanting to use as an identification, but only to describe something. I’ve always had a hair trigger, which is perhaps even faster than a lot of people. So if I barely think that someone’s coming at me with a projectile, yeah, I’ve got to get my gun out and shoot back quickly, really quickly or my ego would have me believe that. And ultimately, let’s just say that hasn’t worked. Not to my favor. I don’t think it would for anybody, to be honest. That’s why I’m talking about it. Yeah. So realizing it and so me slowing that down. Taking a moment takes my finger off of the trigger and realize, OK, this is we’re talking about the shell again engaging in its activities of the past. And how it thinks that its going to get hurt. And no, this is someone making a comment. And if I need clarification. I can just ask. Right. Is this what you really meant? And if someone is really, again, staunchly sharing something that I firmly don’t believe or don’t have association with. It’s OK. I now understand, but I don’t need to protect myself from it.
Sarah: [00:32:36] I think that’s brilliant. What you just said. I feel like a lot of conflict, not even between two people, just inner conflict comes from your own perception of what’s happening versus what’s actually happening. Because. If there’s three people in a room, three people are going to describe an event completely differently, right? It’s true. So when you’re constantly living off of your own instant triggers of, you know what, uncle Uncle Jack does this every year and he hugs me for one second too long and it’s inappropriate and I don’t like it. And I always knew that about him. And.
Sarah: [00:33:17] Maybe that was a bad example. I don’t know. For all I know, that’s the truth, and you have a creepy uncle.
Sarah: [00:33:24] But maybe Uncle Jack is really like a thoughtful, loving guy and just gives long hugs and he’s never thought a thing of it. And you’ve thought your entire life that he’s conscious of this. He’s conscious of doing X, Y and Z. Or my you know, my sister, or my mom is conscious of saying, oh, I like your hair or oh, are you doing your hair different?
Sarah: [00:33:51] And every year I take that as, oh, what the F? You’ve never, you’ve never accepted me for who I am. Right. And maybe they were just really asking, Oh, are you doing your hair different?
Weston: [00:34:00] Let me turn this back just a little bit to the inappropriate uncle cause I think that has some value. Yeah. One, I think that we are in a space where we need to slash have to, observe those things clearly, which is to say if someone is doing that truly innocently, meaning without any need to objectify that into any kind of formal inappropriate behavior, even then it’s appropriate today to let that person become aware. Totally. But what I want to do behind some of this in terms of someone, saying something so blatant as I’m racial and I’m going to come to the dinner table and talk about that. I think that’s really easier to something that may be a little more challenging. And if you don’t mind, I’ll bring it up. It’s the energy. Yeah. Where we feel an energy that someone didn’t or did say something. But we can feel an energy like, well, it’s happening. I can feel it. And we’re starting to build up and we’re about to go to war for something that hasn’t been said. And I think that we need to recalibrate ourselves. I’m speaking of each of us individually to be again present instead of thinking about what happened previously, that somehow this is going to be a cannon. Because isn’t the first thought you have when you start getting your little internal army together is you think. . .
Sarah: [00:35:21] This happened last time. I know for me, that’s what I was. Sure. or I think this has happened before. Right. Where I say to myself. I recognize this behavior. When I say recognize it, it always means the past. Right? Right. I’m not here. I’m not now. I’m not sitting in this room present with you anymore. I’m completely living off of old information. Correct.
Weston: [00:35:41] And so I think we need to recalibrate, the information that is coming forth. I think the reason I brought up the energetic piece, I know that the more true that we are to ourselves, we become further aware with what we call the kind of vibrations or energy that you want to surround yourself which sounds kind of odd, but that may include your family members. I’m talking about your birth family members and it may not. And so instead of denying that or pretending or having to get drunk to go through it, it becomes an opportunity for you. Go. Okay. This is a part of my DNA past, this is a part of my physical past in terms of them knowing all of these details. Yeah, but it may or may not describe again the true me, even though that they have all these physical details. So these are opportunities to really, really not force them, but to have really some tighter connections. Even if someone is under capacitated, Yeah. unwilling or then the opposite. Then we should talk about that from a positive perspective that we can literally come together and really harmonize like people… Having a better connection than you’ve ever had.
Weston: [00:36:47] Yes. Yes.
Weston: [00:36:48] And instead of thinking that, oh, my God. You know, my brother is coming to town and this is what we’ve always done. And I think, I don’t think. I know that when we change these stories within ourselves, it changes an energy. And then suddenly, guess what? It doesn’t show up in the form of the radar in our families or interconnections. And now we’re experiencing something better than we come away from the experience going, huh? That actually went pretty well. Yeah. And, you know, if you’re taking, you know, your would be partner to such an event. You may sing that to relief as you drive away. That went pretty good. And he was like, well, what are you talking about? I thought it was phenomenal. And you, again, are still comparing to something of the past to make that comment. And he’s saying that it was a nice evening.
Sarah: [00:37:33] Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So we’re talking a lot about being in the now. Being in the present.
Weston: [00:37:39] Yes. The magic about.
Sarah: [00:37:40] Exactly. I was just thinking that. Do you have some tips or pointers or anything that you do or suggestions that you have to either, that you would maybe do to prepare for an event, a family gathering? I guess even by nature of that, it wouldn’t be in the now anymore. But, or more importantly, when you’re there, when you’re feeling triggered, when you’re in the moment.
Sarah: [00:38:06] Because I don’t believe that you need to be meditating all the time to be in a Zen place. It’s more important not to be in a cool, chilled out spot in the middle of chaos. And do you have any thoughts or tips on how to do that?
Weston: [00:38:21] I do. So I don’t think that, I think meditation is a wonderful tool, but I don’t think that we want to be in a meditative or unemotional space 24/7. I don’t think that’s, maybe that could fit for some people, but maybe not necessarily everybody. Yeah. So we don’t want to choose that. So in a precognizance of coming into an event that maybe perceiving a challenge, I would just remind yourself that, one, we’re going to employ some of the tools that are quite literally listed in the Magic of Now Booklet. And again, I’m referencing that, I hope everyone goes and downloads it.
Sarah: [00:38:55] Yeah, maybe link it in the podcast. Absolutely. Yeah.
Weston: [00:38:58] But the thing that I would say before that would be just realized is one really simple thought and this is really key before we get to being the moment and that is, before you go into a family gathering, instead of thinking you’re going to get hurt.
Weston: [00:39:15] What happens when I present the idea that you can’t, you can’t get hurt? And if you really hear that. Yeah, it changes everything.
Sarah: [00:39:27] Can I ask you a direct question? Yeah, please. My instant thought is I absolutely can and I could list the times and places that that’s happened.
Weston: [00:39:37] Right. Which only illuminates that you are choosing to create those states of separation. And that’s something that’s always going to put you in a perpetual challenge, slash civil war within your own self. And then clearly with other people as well.
Sarah: [00:39:52] So can you dive into that concept a little bit further of you can’t get hurt?
Weston: [00:39:57] Yes. First, you know, we should probably back it up even more further, which is to really understand that everything is a choice. So I should’ve said that probably first. So we need to know that we are empowered to choose that I can get hurt or I can’t get hurt. But once we choose and we exercise ourselves in this idea that we can’t get hurt, that’s not through protection. It’s just an absolute truth. I can go and sit around a bunch of people who have different ideas than I do or who drink and eat things that I don’t eat, or conduct themselves in a series of activities that I would never allow myself to do because it wouldn’t feel balanced to me, without me feeling. And please let me emphasize that with italic bolds, feeling, that I can get hurt, because if I don’t feel that I can get hurt, it changes my dynamic. So imagine going into your family, which is what, three times a day. When we go into the family dynamic meetings and lunches and teas, and everything, that you are just being yourself without the idea that you’re going to be hurt.
Weston: [00:41:07] What it does is kinda like red carpet literally to you being present in the moment. See if you come into this gathering with the idea that we’re going to war.
Weston: [00:41:15] You know, we need to stop by the surplus store and get nuclear submarines and grenades. And camouflage behavior. I mean, you’re going to create what you don’t want.
Weston: [00:41:26] And so if you come into this without the idea that you can get hurt, which means the empowered concept that you are choosing not to get hurt, then when someone launches a rocket towards you, it’s like, okay, interesting. And of course, what they’re really doing is showing you about how they feel. That doesn’t have to be something that you engage in.
Sarah: [00:41:48] Now, I think I’m following you now, that if you’re, if I’m truly staying in the present moment, my hurt, if I’m being totally honest, really comes from the past. Bingo. I start thinking about, and the past doesn’t exist. It doesn’t exist in the now. It only exists in my memory of it. Right. And again, as we are discussed, three people sitting a room, all remember something different.
Weston: [00:42:10] So did it even really happen? But watch us because you don’t have kids yet. But, so let’s take your would be kids bring them to the family gathering. Yeah. And if you take your past with that and that of your partners, you’re going to start doing what? Protecting your children against the evils of family A and family B based upon the idea that once upon a time you got hurt. Right. And all of a sudden this teaches the family, I’m speaking of your children, the very thing that you don’t want. You say, well, we’re going to your grandparents house and therefore get on your lead aprons, because this is what we should expect.
Weston: [00:42:43] And the kids, your kids have a completely different perspective of that, which is, of course, very healthy for them. Very healthy for you. And ultimately, you see this for what it is. It’s the evolution that the whole family dynamic gets to create if they’re willing and want that. And so we don’t need to be stuck or harassed or changed to where we’ve come from, as much as just appreciating that this is what everyone does. We all have a family of sorts in one form or another. And as we come together and we are choosing to be present. Then in the moment, now if I can return to that part of the question. The first thing that I will do is I will literally first attune myself, which means create an assessment. Am I in balance?
Weston: [00:43:31] Okay. Because if I’m not in balance, I know that I’m going to have an imbalanced reaction. I’m gonna get mad because I’m looking to get mad. So you’re starting by creating an awareness? That’s right. Am I in a balanced space? And if I come into this energetically, like, oh, I don’t know. Then I realize, okay, I’m not energetically pure space, which means I’m likely to be tipped over or moved into a state of imbalance. Let’s just assume that that’s what I chose. And so I’m an imbalance state. Now what do I do? Yes. Know what do you do? What you just did a moment ago in terms of taking a breath, which is taking a moment could be done like that. Sometimes I may feign going to the bathroom, which is to say I’m going to create a little mini break like we would take a timeout in a football game. Timeout. I’m going to go to the back. Or timeout. The kids need something. And I say grandkids or, Time out we’re going to take care of the dog. We don’t say that out loud, or I left something in the car and all I’m trying to do is regain my composure, when I say composure not to go to war. Right. But to be in a balance state again. And when I do that, by the time I walk to the car and come back again to get whatever, a piece of gum, I now am back in a balance state and I don’t have to go into that retaliatory energy. Does that make sense?
Sarah: [00:44:51] Absolutely. Another trick that I have been using recently is I do it by listening, which is an excellent way for me personally to stay present in the moment. I find that a lot of my triggers happening are happening when someone else is talking to begin with. And so instead of preparing my battle against them or my internal positioning against whatever they’re going to say, I’m no longer listening to them anymore. I’m now in my own mind with my own thoughts and my history. I’m projecting to the future I’m not in the now. So instead, I tell myself I’m going to be really present. I’m going to challenge myself to be exceptionally present right now. And I’d take a breath while they’re still talking. It’s so easy to do because you don’t need to create aloneness or individual space. You can still remain a part of the group. Take a nice deep breath while looking right into their eyes. And I’ll tell myself. Be right here in this moment. Or if I can, I can even take a moment to observe my own mind or my own presence. So if my mind is like. Flipping, no way that I feel the same Dadada, then in that breath. I’ll take a moment to even observe that my own mind is having that reaction and in that moment of observation. I don’t even know how to explain it in words. I feel completely calm. And then when it’s my turn to speak, I’m able to speak from a place of presence and even a lot of times everything gets worked out without saying anything. Right. I don’t know how to explain. Yeah. what happens in that practice. But thats just was just something that I wanted to add in too.
Weston: [00:46:41] Oh, that’s beautiful! You know, I’m going to share this. This is quite personal. But, your birth family conditions you. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s a part of the human experience at the same time. We do want to re-evaluate those things that we get exposed to, let alone those conditions and to create maybe something new that serves you. So I’m going to speak to something that was conditioned to. Yeah, with my mom, she was extremely argumentative with intention to fight. And so therefore, I would feel the energy first and that. OK, we’re about to go into war. Yes. Which is to say everyone needs to go get their boxing gloves on, Two, I would start my thinking would go quickly like I would, you know, my adrenaline goes up and all my abilities to go into this, you know, intellectual or emotional boxing ring is being raised. And three, I’m trying to anticipate her moves. Right. Exactly like you would playing tennis or playing baseball or basketball. Meaning I’m trying to see what the other players are going to do before they do it so I can get a proper position to block the shot. Yeah. And so. I noticed, unfortunately, that all of that conditioning was something that brought into most all my relationships, especially with my family. Yeah. So if I see somebody dribbling in a certain kind of way, that reminds me of way back when slash M O M, then my mind goes, all boy hears it’s common and you know what? That’s not listening. Yeah. Has nothing to do with listening. Now I’m back into 19, whatever it was, and I need to really, really be focused on here. And when I do that with family members and feel that none of it was my mom. Thank God for that.
Weston: [00:48:28] It changes our opportunity to be present. Yeah.
Weston: [00:48:33] And then suddenly I’m seeing a whole host of opportunities. And it’s not just the words or the topics. It’s, again, the energy. And even if we’re not matching that energy, we don’t have to. We can actually have that experience and realize that it was delightful in it’s own way. Maybe not necessarily where we go the same movie and we all bobble head that was the best movie we’ve ever seen. Speaking of our would be dinners with one another, but it’s something.
Sarah: [00:49:02] Pretty cool, transformational, I think there’s so much peace and joy in presence. Yes. And I’m with you, it’s like turning on a light and, it well its going to sound biblical. I don’t mean it to, but it dispels darkness. Yes.
Sarah: [00:49:17] And so even if what like, you’re saying everyone doesn’t agree. We don’t all go see the same movie and laugh at the same spots in it. Sure. You find that that’s just such a natural separation. Someone who just won’t join you in your presence just naturally is like, I’m going to go talk to Uncle Ted instead. Perfect. Right. Or it’s also an awesome invitation. If that’s within the other person and maybe they’re just got on an old track, you know. Yeah.
Sarah: [00:49:44] And they’re rocking around their Christmas tree around and round and round and they’re tired of hearing the same record.
Sarah: [00:49:49] And you present now this new presence in just energy. You don’t have to say I’m being present now. This is me. You know, that would just be our ego and our individualism. This is me now. Respect me.
Sarah: [00:50:04] But that energetic invitation often invites someone else. And if that’s on the inside and that’s something that they’re interested in, I have found it just flips conversations.
Weston: [00:50:14] You know, Sarah, everybody knows this. And and you know this like the back of your hand. But. Unconditional love when we feel it. And we actually express it, is something that transforms all of us. Yes, it takes being present and participating in this love.
Weston: [00:50:38] Outside of the perspective of William Weston Jolly, my full name or yours, you know, Sarah JoAnne Jolly, and it changes everything because we’re, we have a true understanding through this connection of love. And that illumination is stunning. That’s why I talked earlier about going from acceptance to a state of honor. We can actually have this unbelievable honor for this person of the family that is triggering everybody with some horrific comment.
Sarah: [00:51:11] I was just going back to that too, the beginning of our conversation. Yeah. And thinking, you know, the biggest thing is in your presence, like what we’re talking about now, love and be able to honor when you first said you even get to honor that person. I thought no.
Sarah: [00:51:30] I thought, you know, some things you hear anything that sounds really nice, but I think about actually doing it. And I thought about that, and that person, and I thought, no, no, but maybe at some point in the future, you know, because what we’re talking about now is, is being in your now in your presence.
Sarah: [00:51:50] Right. Versus trying to understand the mind. And you’re never going to understand. It’s really is for lack of any other term, it’s a dysfunction. And, and when you’re living, when your mind, your mind is always doing its best is like a kernel. It’s always trying to protect you and it’s protecting you off of what you’ve seen in the past, off of what you can predict in the future. And it can become dysfunctional so quickly, as we’ve even seen. And again, not to get political here, but with past events and wars and such like that. But to try to understand the mind and accept someone else’s mind when it’s living in dysfunction is going to drive you completely insane. But to separate like we’re talking about breathing and observing even your own mind. Right. To breathe and observe and say this is someone else’s mind. I don’t need to judge it. It’s not my place. It is what it is. But when you can separate the person’s mind from the essence of who they are. Is that what you’re talking about? I am. That that’s love and honor.
Weston: [00:53:00] It is. It’s an unconditional love. And then if you really go past that, then, you know, from a psychic perspective, you can see what who trained them, who conditioned them, that they’re regurgitating these things that they may or may not actually believe. Right. I mean, they may fight to the death, literally. That this is what they believe. But if you see that teaching. I’m talking about just that first generation their moms and dads, and or maybe the community at large during that era, you know, the 50s versus the 60s versus the 70s eras. And then if you go back up the family tree and go, huh, interesting. This whole family tree is for participating in something that is, shall we say, sideways at best in terms of it being truly aligned with source. And yet that’s a part of it. And yet when we see that, it’s like, OK, well, maybe that person truly evolved compared to great great grandfather Edward, you know. Right. But at the same time, we don’t have to. And this is, I think, a huge point, which you’ve said that we don’t have to understand. I mean, we don’t need to get lost in trying to understand or create 16 textbooks of why the family tree has, you know, 16 generations of serial killers in them. I mean, we don’t need to understand that. And when we break out of that, need to understand, we actually break the cycle. And man, that that changes everything.
Sarah: [00:54:20] Exactly. And I’m not and I wasn’t using the word dysfunction like a judgment just an observation of something that doesn’t need to be understood, exactly what you’re what you’re saying. Yeah, stop trying to understand something that is.
Sarah: [00:54:40] Crazy and again, that could sound like a judgment word, but it’s just it doesn’t need to be understood. And the only reason I think my mind feels it does need to be understood is so I can protect myself. Right. And so it goes right back into my mind is a great warrior and good for you, you little samurai.
Sarah: [00:54:57] You know what? That’s not that’s not the life that I want to live. Right. Right. I want to. That’s not a life of peace. Yeah, exactly.
Sarah: [00:55:03] You know, and that’s why I think it’s so cool that we’re having this chat around the holidays, because it’s the time of peace and joy and love. And it doesn’t matter your religion or your faith or that seems to just be a feeling in the air this time of year. Yes, it is. Which I love. Me, too. And I think it’s really cool because that feeling in the air brings up this juxtaposition within us that we’re trying to figure out how to get to that place of peace and joy. And it can be challenging sometimes when you get into the nitty gritty of it. But I think you really nailed it on the head.
Weston: [00:55:37] Well, I think you’ve got something to just that this thinking can, of course, go beyond the holidays. Meaning we don’t have to just be in this very, very celebratory, very loving, very generous mood just during this time frame. We can do this maybe a lot more than that. And just because. Yeah. And I’ll say just because because it’s fun, to be honest with you and God, this is unbelievable. And there’s a an enjoyment that we have each time that we get to come together instead of it being based upon something that happened previously.
Sarah: [00:56:14] Yeah. Thats a huge gift, is the moment.
Weston: [00:56:17] It is. It’s just the giving, the receiving and honoring that it’s just as joyous to receive as it is to give without having to account for that, without having to keep a . . .
Weston: [00:56:31] Ok. I gave you one. You gave me one back. I mean. Yeah.
Weston: [00:56:33] Like a Ping-Pong game. We can let go of all that and truly unconditional love. And I think that’s really cool, too, Sarah, that as we would give to a particular person, they may or may not actually give us back, quote, this present or this gift, or they might even not acknowledge it. It’s OK because we know that the universe will, and. Exactly. we don’t even have to do that conditionally. You just know that that’s just a part of how it works. And that knowledge to me is extremely transformational.
Sarah: [00:57:03] That’s really, really beautiful and really like a pleasant thought to even just sit in. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That was like being at a spa.
Weston: [00:57:12] Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean you just you want to soak all the way through. So that you can. Yeah, that’s I mean. Yeah I know. I know. That’s exactly. That we can really, really feel it.
Weston: [00:57:23] And not just to hear those words but really practice it within ourselves. And then when we do with our families and and some of us come from healthier families than others and some of those families are so dysfunctional that maybe we’re not in interchanging during this time of year. But nonetheless, all of its OK.
Sarah: [00:57:42] So the big takeaways. This wasn’t meant to be a promo for the Magic Of Now, but go download the Magic Of Now. These links are going to be in the podcast notes.
Sarah: [00:57:58] And if we have time, I do have one more question, please. Go, go, go, go. OK. It’s probably you’re probably gonna say the same thing that we’ve been touching on this whole time.
Weston: [00:58:06] You never know, sir. Exactly.
Sarah: [00:58:09] And that is we have been talking about our own families. Yes. This whole time. What if you’re going to spend time with your significant others families and the dynamic of that? Or maybe even feeling like you’re your partners your best friend. And when they get around their family, who the F are they?
Sarah: [00:58:31] And I can’t wait to get home and get back in our own house. And I can be around you again because where did you go?
Sarah: [00:58:38] And I just wanted to kind of open up that topic. I guess it’s not a super detailed question, but I won’t open up that topic with one…
Sarah: [00:58:46] How do you support your partner and how do you still be present and in the moment and enjoy your own holiday when maybe when you feel like your partner does regress around their family, Sure, that can lead you to be feeling a little alone.
Sarah: [00:59:03] So I guess I kinda of threw a bunch of questions at you at one time.
Weston: [00:59:05] No no no. Well let me kind of simplify it a little bit if I can. Number one, congratulations, because of it’s not your family there’s always his perception. It’s so much easier if we’re going to their house, not my house.
Weston: [00:59:17] And so I’d liken that to the going in a car where you get to sit in the passenger seat, Yeah. and your just going along for the ride. And the reason why that becomes easier is because you’re not attached.
Sarah: [00:59:27] Because you like. I’m just here for the eggnog, baby. Oh, I hate that stuff.
Weston: [00:59:32] Anyway, sitting in the passenger seats means that you’re not attached to their family. But watch this. If you’re attached to your partner. Exactly. Then their reaction being, shall we say, negative around their own family tree is going to cause this shall we say issue between the two of you. You guys may have an argument coming away from his family based upon the idea that he’s infuriated because someone said whatever they said.
Sarah: [00:59:57] Oh, I was just watching a holiday movie last night, Four Christmases with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon and they never spend the holidays with either their families and they get looped into it. And this like comedy, whatever. And they have to go to four family Christmases. And they both turned to each other in the very beginning. They go, no matter what happens, do not let them come between us.
Sarah: [01:00:19] And of course, by the end, they’ve completely broken up. And this whole thing. And I feel like that’s a very real situation for couples where you’re like, don’t let them come between us. But that’s exactly what you’re talking about.
Weston: [01:00:29] It is in a slightly different way, because we don’t want to be attached. So if your partner is going through something while he goes to his family and you get the quote unquote right along again, this can be easier for you as you might perceive it. Then onto the fact that he’s working something out, meaning that he gets to practice what you were practicing when you come to our family and he gets to ride in the passenger sit. Going huh. Interesting. Meaning, it’s very different, but very healthy. Because when we, when we, let me make that example, when you go to his family and participate in that space, you get to observe their patterns, of course, which is, you know, the particulars of that particular family. But what’s really important is realizing, huh, I don’t have to engage in any way this not me, meaning I might be myself. And and if your partner actually understands that and begins to apply that based upon, I’ll call it your leadership energetically at the very least, and then perhaps even in the way that you’re connected. I saw that you get along with my dad just fine when I think he’s a blah, blah, blah. And then suddenly you’re actually showing your partner how to engage with his own family in a way that he never made consideration to do before. So that becomes, I think, super powerful, very, very cool. And that can be fun without having to be a, you know, a minefield of trip wires. You know what I mean?
Sarah: [01:01:48] Well, yeah, so your saying basically make your own experience out of it. Absolutely.
Weston: [01:01:51] Yeah. And I think you said something magical, too. I think that needs to be double underlined. And that is that your household, and I’m speaking of your and your partner’s household should be completely and utterly different than that of your family and or his family. Right. And ultimately we want to take that no matter where we go. Yeah. We dont have to move the house into the in-laws family in terms of, you know, whatever household were going to into. But rather you guys are yourselves and with that. Cool. And guess what happens? We are either going to accept you as a couple in terms of that new entity or have a problem with or just acknowledge that this is the way that you guys do it. And ultimately, from universe’s perspective. By far the easiest thing for you to just choose that. Now, I think we help one another when we when we do that. So when you get to sit in the passenger seat, you could help your partner by being yourself with those family members and by the way, you’re gonna hear the stories, as I’m sure you already have in terms of wealth. This is going to happen. And when it does, instead of you having a reaction because you didn’t grow up with it, right? Right. And then you realize, okay. Yeah. But it’s not really my gig. I don’t need to be hurt by it again. Keyword. cause you’re not. And then suddenly that gives him an opportunity to maybe have a different perspective. I think that’s really how we grow. And by the way, when we take, you know, obviously a normal household, we had said two families. But if we had three and four. For example, if my parents divorced three times. Right. Right. All those other families to enter dialogue with, which is pretty common. It’s the same game just multiplied with bigger numbers. So we just understand that we we can be ourselves and we can see that this idea that we’ve been on a roll or we’re participating in responsibilities that aren’t really healthy for us as individuals or even as the new couple changes everything.
Sarah: [01:03:39] I really love what you’re saying with one, having your own experience and not getting connected to your partner. But it also sounds like what you’re saying too is. Is, and I think this is natural with two partners in a in a relationship, is you have compassion for each other, Very much. and sometimes you have an unspoken and sometimes a very spoken, I got your back. No matter what happens today, I got your back. Right. And there is something about that that I think could actually be spread to all family members, whether it’s your family or your own family members. Then you made me think of it when you said, when you’re talking about the different households.
Sarah: [01:04:24] For anyone who has switched up the household, that that Hanukkah happens at or Christmas happens at or the Super Bowl party happens at. Or if you’ve ever switched up that dynamic a little bit and then watch the difference in the dynamic of the family, I know I found in our own family the dynamic changes completely when we switch up households. And I think that’s a really cool thing, even if you haven’t experienced that personally yet.
Sarah: [01:04:50] But you can just sit and conceptualize it. It’s really cool because you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I, you know, I didn’t realize what it’s like to host an all of the pressure that’s on you and all of the just seeing the time constraint and everyone’s going to chit chat you up and you’re like, yeah, but if I don’t get turkey on it this time it ain’t happenin’ people.
Sarah: [01:05:13] Or vice versa. When you’re at someone else’s house and you’re not offering to help any or. I don’t know it could go into so many different things. But the dynamic can really change from house to house. And I think that’s because you get out of your own perspective and you start having more of a conscious connection with everyone simply by changing the environment. And so maybe that’s a good tip too, or something to even think about is, the compassion that you have for your partner.
Sarah: [01:05:51] If it helps think about being in a different environment. Think about what if what if Christmas and all the things I think are going to happen at Christmas? What if they happen at my house? Right. Play out the whole thing in your mind that could give you the same compassion you have for your partner, for other people in your family or other people in their family.
Sarah: [01:06:07] It could just open things up a little bit.
Weston: [01:06:09] I think it’s huge. I know that you know this because we’ve done this in our family. But you can also take the traditional aspects. I’m not suggesting that everyone wants to do this and maybe their families do or don’t want to do that as well. But you can really totally mess up the tradition. Meaning that we take the whole family tree. Instead of having the whole family, we take it away from the Christmas tree and all that. That makes me do something entirely different. I mean completely different. Right. And what it does is it shows you a lot about connection and how we really want to interrelate. And then when we come back to the celebratory Christmas tree, so to speak. We can do it in a truly compassionate way. Shall we say rewriting the rules. Yeah, not based upon what happened in 7th and 8th grade, you know, for you, Because you’re being in the moment again and seeing what works now…
Sarah: [01:06:58] And our Thanksgiving this year, Do we have to talk about that? Karen, Wes and myself. My mom, dad and myself, have been plant based for I don’t know how many years now.
Sarah: [01:07:17] Five, something like that. Yeah. But when we have Thanksgiving, whoever isn’t plant base, we make sure there’s Turkey and there’s what not for everyone else. This is the first year that everyone who attended Thanksgiving was fully plant based. And Karen, Gracie and I, my sister in law, my mom and I were usually in charge of making the menu.
Sarah: [01:07:37] And we were a little freaked out, especially, I think should we say a little aggressive.? That boys is…
Sarah: [01:07:46] I mean, it’s so funny after all these years and of changing the diet that I’m like. Boys need meat. I don’t know. I still have that in my mind after just 20 years of conditioning and commercials. And, you know, but we were like, we do make sure the boys are full. And we made so much food. We were exhausted. We didn’t eat till like five or … We planned to eat at two and we didn’t eat till 5 or 6. I mean, no. Everyone had one plate. They were so full.
Sarah: [01:08:17] I went back and got seconds cause I was like not today, I cooked way too long for this. And I was like, I had the worst stomach ache, but it’s so worth it.
Sarah: [01:08:25] And. And then from being in the now and being in the moment with her fat little pot bellys we’re like… took that breath. Let’s do Chinese food next year, let’s do Thai food next year. Let’s see how it goes. Switching up our tradition of cooking. Yeah. Which actually is one of our favorite traditions of Thanksgiving. I feel it’s giving love when you cook for someone. Sure. But you know, worth it. But from being in the moment, we were like, let’s toss out this tradition that we’ve been doing for 30 something years. And let’s try Thai food next year and let’s try a new tradition of just being together versus cooking. And that might be, go to hell in a hand basket. So, you know, tune in next year.
Sarah: [01:09:13] But if you’re not in the moment, you can’t make decisions like that.
Weston: [01:09:18] Well, I think what you’re talking about is change. And that’s something I really won’t talk about for the future as well. So we’ll have to see. I know I’m like bringing up topics again. no no no.
Weston: [01:09:25] But I think when we choose to interact as a group very differently with a new set of circumstances, we give ourselves opportunity to do something different, to grow and to see those weaknesses individually and perhaps even as a group that we have then to change that. And so, you know, going and having Thanksgiving in a very untraditional way. I mean completely, and we’ve we’ve… There’s a whole family through call. We served at a mission one Thanksgiving and participating in that way versus, you know, doing it, the white cloth and, you know, everything, silver out and gold plates and all that stuff. I’m but honoring these changes are opportunities for us to really see ourselves as a group, a family in a completely different way.
Sarah: [01:10:12] And it breaks off that identity, that family brand that we were talking about. Yeah. Too. Because when you let go of that brand or our family always does this. But you know what? We’re still a family. Even if we don’t, we’re still a family if things change. The brand doesn’t doesn’t really mean shit.
Weston: [01:10:30] It doesn’t. And you know what? I’m grateful for that. I’m certain certainly super grateful for you. And I’m so thankful that you’re wanting to do this again. And I hope you’ll come back and do some more if you want to. So just want to leave that out there.
Sarah: [01:10:44] Absolutely. This really fills my heart and my my soul. And as always, a lot of value to me. And like I said, we just have these conversations anyway, so might as well make it up.
Weston: [01:10:56] Thank you, Sarah, very much.
Weston: [01:10:58] And I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Do you wanna sing us a song?
Sarah: [01:11:01] You want to sing us something at the end? (singing) Have a holly jolly Christmas. It’s the best time of the year. Lots of snow and mistletoe.
Sarah: [01:11:12] However that song goes. You did great.
Weston: [01:11:20] Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everybody.
Sarah: [01:11:22] All right. Happy Holidays, guys.
Weston: [01:11:31] For us to make true connections, we have to engage. I really want to hear your comments, so please leave a review at Western Jolly dot com forward slash, review, or go to i-Tunes and give me your thoughts there. This helps our connection and it’s a tremendous help to others, too. Everything we do is designed to offer you a deeper spiritual connection within. You can also make a personal appointment with me, Weston Jolly right now by going to Weston Jolly dot com. Also, check out my current events, books, and other products. Also my free newsletter. Thank you for joining me. Western Jolly, for my podcast, True Connections.
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