After providing over 15,000 hours in sessions and in speaking engagements, I recognize that… “You’re much stronger and more empowered than you think you are…”
healing through Self forgiveness
It’s not impossible. Letting go of shame and guilt really is letting go of the past. Let’s get started.
What’s it going to take for you to forgive yourself? Truth is you may not even know of places where you’ve not forgiven yourself. And if you don’t know, you’re not forgiving yourself is going to show up in judgement, disease, unhappiness, and a lot more places. It blocks yours spiritual connection. Learn to be compassionate with yourself in letting go things, people and experiences of the past… that are well in the past.
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Episode 041 of True Connections with Weston Jolly
How to Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is wickedly cool word that can spin almost anyone is myriad into of directions. For the narcissist, there’s nothing to forgive, it’s always going to your bad for something happens that they don’t like. For the rest of us, we do need to learn to forgive ourselves because if we don’t…. we start carrying a weight.
These weights can be conscious or unconscious. Being conscious is super helpful because your awareness will enable you to see the issue, problem or the stress that it’s creating. To make this concept come alive I want you to think of a bridge. For our purposes, let’s make this a single vehicle bridge.
We all know that bridges are engineered, designed and built to sustain a certain gross weight. Normally, we see the maximum load of any bridge painted on the bridge itself or on a sign right before it. What we don’t see is any stresses that develop in the lifespan of the bridge. So, some cleaver person said, we need to have bridge inspectors to determine if a bridge is able to continue to sustain the weight it was originally designed for.
Like I said, whomever came up with this idea that we should inspect our community bridges is pretty smart. If we take this same analogy and apply it to your body, that your body is the bridge, then inspecting it from time to time is sound thinking. Yes, this is what we do when go to our doctor’s office to get a check up.
However, what I am proposing is a different kind of examination. A lot of people look at these types of “inspections” as if we’re to trying to find something wrong. I’m not a big fan of this kind of thinking so I have no intent in fueling it. I’m asking you to create a third-party inspection of yourself, by observing your body for things that it, your body, hasn’t forgiven.
We’re not looking for things that are in error. All we’re doing is to create a neutral observation point for things that don’t belong. We especially want to stir clear of any judgment. Stay focused in observing you body for things that you haven’t forgiven. Let me get personal with you in demonstrating this process.
Right now, I am closing my eyes and looking within for anything that I’m currently carrying, as a weight, that doesn’t belong. Give me a minute and let me do this with you while you’re listening. (Breathing) Okay, now I see some topics or experiences that are coming to the surface. So, the next thing I’m doing is I am asking myself, is this issue something that I need to address in forgiving myself?
No. Nope. Nope. Not that. So, I’m repeating my initial question; is there anything that I am carrying in my body that I haven’t forgiven? (Breathing) Boy, this wasn’t expected but let me share it. You may, or not understand, my “trigger” but I am going to say it any way. My parent’s lied to me.
In breathing into this, this isn’t a one time thing or a couple of times, this is a significant pattern of lies. I just got through asking, is it one parent or both? Well, that was too easy, the answer is both! And while I was quite young, these lies extended all the way through my upbringing. Interesting, that I didn’t see that before now. Anyway…
Okay, now what do I do? Based upon the fact that I can clearly see where I have not forgiven myself. Let’s take a quick pause for me to illustrate further why I’m not focusing on them, my parents and their choice to lie. For me, at a very early age, I knew my parents were lying to me.
I knew it. At that time, I didn’t exactly know how I knew it but with certainty it has everything to do with my spiritual gifts knowing what was true and what wasn’t. Instead of believing myself, I believed them. I had too.
I want you to especially hear that last sentence. To repeat myself, I said, “I had to believe my parents.” That’s the thing I want you to hear. That’s my own lie to myself.
Let me expand upon that. I thought I had to let my parents lie to me because… well, that’s how it was. When I was very young that makes a certain sense. Later, and certainly in my teenage years, I started confronting the lies but then… I went back to my choice in thinking I had too to believe them instead of myself. That’s my point of attachment.
That’s the part that I just discovered that I am carrying in my body. You may think, “What’s the big deal? All parents lie to their kids?” Even if this were true, it’s not about them lying to me, it’s all about me lying to myself. That’s the part I haven’t forgiven myself for.
So, here it is clear as day. I know what the trigger point is but in reality that’s only a part of the process of learning how to forgive yourself. As I said, I have lied to myself and by looking into my body I can see the weight. It’s a stress.
It’s like a crack in the bridge. It’s a problem and initially it may not seem like a big deal but fractures do at one point -break. Prematurely I might add. This is a key benefit in forgiving yourself. I don’t want to carry this extra weight, on my body, the burden that I haven’t forgiven myself for choosing to think I had to believe the lies of my parents.
Now, this next part is as easy as everything else we’ve been doing. I have to be willing to address my body. Notice, I didn’t say mind. I have to be willing to address my body in forgiving myself. Let me do that while we’re here together.
Quite honestly, I don’t want to go on another second carrying that weight. To release this choice, I must again establish a connection with my body. As I’m doing this right now, I can feel a heaviness surrounding my heart. This is even more specific than my body as a whole.
It’s my heart area that has taken on this stress. Good to know. But not cool. Therefore, I’m going to let it go.
I’m going to do this out-loud while teaching you the process so you can emulate it in areas that you’ll want to apply in forgiving yourself. (Breathing) …deep within I can feel that I’m ready to let go of this weight or heaviness go. I choose to forgive myself all the way back to the point I first became aware, whenever or however young I was.
The length of time I haven’t forgiven myself is not nearly important as letting it go and in so letting this feeling of attachment go that I will never pick it up again. (Deep breath) Boy, do I feel better. And so will you.
Let me formally details these steps in forgiving yourself.
1. You have to consciously identify the source in NOT forgiving yourself.
The story doesn’t matter. How long it’s been doesn’t matter. What does matter is you becoming aware. This means becoming clear that you have a weight. An attachment. A stress. Any denials are a problem. Avoid countering yourself, with thoughts or feelings that “This issue isn’t that big of deal…” isn’t going to help you…
It’s actually, the very reason you’ve held on. And this has got to go.
2. Identifying the source of where you’re stuck has to be done IN your body.
There’s a reason I am sharing this. It’s way too easy to fool yourself. You are way too likely to want to fake yourself out by blocking or being resistant to such feelings. This isn’t desired. The body can feel and the mind can register and categorize such things but the mind, of and by itself, can’t feel. Does that make sense?
Your body is designed to gather all the sensory input. Your brain by itself, can’t feel. If right now, I could directly poke that part of your body it would be the same as touching a paraplegic’s leg. There aren’t any feelings to register.
When you feel an issue, the problem or the weight it’s actually a good thing. It’s here, in your body, that is awakening your mind with; Hey, we’ve been trying to tell you but you haven’t been paying attention.
I want you to listen to your body. Heads up! If you haven’t established a more recent connection with your body it may take a great to begin this art of communication. My suggestion? Get started and begin practicing.
Even if the list of things that you haven’t forgiven, that comes forth from your body, are pages in length -let it out. If you’re willing to take this up another level write out what things your body is feeling. Again, listen to your body and take notes.
3. Ask yourself, your body, to see the detailed affects of your NOT forgiving yourself.
Pain is a natural attribute of the body telling you something. I remember meeting a man who had excruciating migraine headaches. They were so bad that he had to have Cortisone shots, at the top of his spine, regularly. Sometimes his pain was so bad that he’d need pain relieving injections twice a week.
This kind of signaling from the body is significant. The man was a Harvard Graduate and he was entirely focused on creating a success with his new business. But as smart as he was, and even with his wife having graduated as a medical Doctor from Harvard too, nobody thought to ask why the headaches were being manifested.
This isn’t entirely accurate. Nobody was able to figure out the nature of the issue beyond the catch all category of stress. People, stress is a weight. Think again about the bridge. Any good bridge inspector is going to see the stress, regardless of where it’s coming from and want to make note of it.
4. Get to the epicenter.
Your body is actually quite sophisticated. If you having a problem with your car, you may not have a clue what the problem is. So, you take it to your mechanic and you tell him anything and everything you can so he or she can help diagnose it. Naturally, it’s his or her job to find the problem and fix it.
The same analytical process is used by your doctor. Both professions break down issues, putting them into categories based upon patterns that’ve seen before. Much of the time the problems or issues are in plain site.
When visiting your doctor, you tell them all the big things you’ve noticed going on with your body. Then the doctor isolates and analyzes the issue and at one point specific solutions are offered. All of this might isolate the issue but not necessarily the problem. This is true for bridge inspectors, car mechanics and physicians. You’ve got to get to the epicenter. The cause.
What’s in the middle?
Are you ready for this? Much of the time it’s an imbalance, that we cause in ourselves, due to not forgiving ourself. If it’s not forgiveness, then it’s another out-of-balance belief, or lifestyle issue that isn’t being properly addressed.
The Harvard business man had some huge issues and working 80 and 90 hour weeks was only digging himself deeper into the pit. As a quick point of reference, I know the Harvard guy had some real real serious issues with his parents.
He was running as fast as he could, from them, to create something new. Nothing wrong with that! But if his body is so out-of-balance in the process of manifesting his desire for success- what’s the use?
In my own example, the epicenter within my own body to my own lack of forgiving was rooted in a heaviness in the heart area.
5. Breathe into it.
Snow skiing is a weird sport because every professional ski instructor will tell you that you need to lean forward. If you haven’t skied before, this feels backward. You standing on two slippery sticks that are waxed so you can go faster and somebody is telling you to lean forward while going down hill. It’s quite uncomfortable as a thought and sensation —-until you feel it.
The same thing is true in allowing yourself to release from the epicenter of your attachment. To forgive yourself you have to lean into it. This is done by breathing. Breathe into the place where you initially chose to create the imbalance. As a novice to the slopes of snow skiing it may feel at first feel funny.
You will notice a change. This change will shift in your attachment. It’s here that you want to release.
6. Love it all.
Most of us tend to carry enormous resentment for whatever we’ve historically created. I want you to consider rethinking this position if it sounds familiar to you. The reason is quite simple this is how we step into not forgiving ourselves.
Inversely we want to honor whatever you’ve chosen and created. If you can’t do that, than at least accept it. I don’t mean acceptance in a begrudging kind of way either, but rather acceptance in it’s a part of spiritual path kind of way. If you’re really going to embrace forgiving yourself then you’re going to want to put a little whip cream of love on top.
I’m serious. Think of being a kid and someone handing you a whole can of Reddi Whip to top your favorite desert. Whomever is in authority gives you the nod of approval for you to use as much whip cream as you want. I am that guy.
I want you to put love on top of whatever you’ve done so that you can really forgive yourself. This is an important part of the process in reinforcing your clearing and opening.
Before I start my conclusion, let’s take a moment and really focus on the benefits of forgiving yourself? Let’s do this together. What benefits come to your mind in forgiving yourself?
I’ll go first, certainly your health. I can’t think of anyone that wants to create a health issue but we’re all in path to manifesting one without self forgiveness. If you’ve already downloaded my free booklet called, the Magic of Now, you’ll remember the prominent man that wouldn’t let himself die because he couldn’t forgive himself.
If you haven’t yet downloaded the Magic of Now and familiarized yourself with this true story. Do so at your earliest convenience here. The link in on the podcast post on my website.
Your forgiving yourself will tremendously impact your good health.
Continuing, in listing the benefits you gain in forgiving yourself, you will enjoy a much improved lifestyle. You will absolutely feel so much freer than having to carry weights, burdens or stresses that aren’t healthy.
How does your forgiving yourself affect your need to judge others? I’d say quite directly wouldn’t you? If you haven’t forgiven yourself for some aspect of your life then it’s likely that you’ve been running around judging others as you’ve been judging yourself. This is an incredible benefit in self forgiveness.
What other benefits can you think of?
-Finding a new inner peace
-Being able to think better
-Certainly, forgiving yourself drastically improves your spiritual connection
-It also removes judgment, which will absolutely improve the nature of all of your relationships.
In conclusion, what have we learned in How to Forgive Yourself? First, you have to consciously identify the source in forgiving yourself. Second, Identifying the source of where you’ve been stuck has to be done in your body. Thirdly, you need to use your body, to see the detailed affects of your not forgiving yourself. Fourthly, you have to get to the epicenter of the event, thought and emotion. Preferably in the exact spot or attachment within your body. Fifthly, you need to breathe into the point of attachment found at the epicenter. Sixth, and our final point, you want to love it all. It’s all been a part of your spiritual -physical path.
Don’t forget the benefits!
Peace. Happiness. Drastically improved health. An improved lifestyle. A feeling of being free. A clarity of mind. Closer relationships. And all the judgment is gone!
I sincerely hope you use this process to forgive yourself of things, experiences and people that you’ve been holding onto too. It’s a very important part of your personal growth and development on all levels. I mean, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Also, could I ask a favor? If this topic has helped you go to Apple iTunes and write a review about it. Sharing our personal growth openly with one another is how we really move ourselves and this planet forward. I can’t thank you enough for your participation, including your comments and reviews, and I am so excited to be and talk with you again.
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