SAVING MRS. MILLER

After the many tests administered I was informed there were no breaks or issues of any kind. I took in a breath of relief until the Doctor said, “Your mother is dying….”

I had just turned six when my mother took two cute neighborhood girls and my brother and me to see the movie Mary Poppins. It was a lovely movie filled with music, dancing and tons of imagination. It was an unforgettable experience and I never knew exactly why. It’s been such a vivid memory that I can still tell you the names of the girls who came with us and the theater we attended.

It’s now Christmas morning but my family celebrated early because of scheduling conflicts that prevented us from being together today. Unexpectedly, the day after “our Christmas” (Two days ago) I received a call from the local police stating that they were parked in front of our house and we were to immediately meet them there. Upon our arrival the Sergeant greeted my wife and I in the driveway to deliver an emergency message.

It was then I was to learn my mom was in the hospital for reasons that we’re totally unclear. In short order, I was talking to my mother’s doctor who explained that my mother had fallen. After the many tests administered I was informed there were no breaks or issues of any kind. I took in a breath of relief until the Doctor said, “Your mother is dying….”

Surprised, I asked, “Of what?”

“We don’t know…” said the Doctor tenderly.

I explained to the Doctor that I haven’t had any real contact with my mom for over twenty years. It was a very difficult decision I made long ago and not easily understood especially in appreciation of my mom’s current health and circumstances. To make things even more complicated, I was informed that my step-father and mom divorced a week ago and he had no legal means to offer the hospital direction as to my mom’s health care. In summary, I was now her appointed guardian.

This shouldn’t be shocking to me, as I’ve tried my whole life to guide my mom. I’ve shared my love, joy, inspiration and accomplishments to eventually realize that these efforts were never enough to make mom happy. This was difficult because inwardly I’ve always wondered if there was something else I could do.

To get my mind off things, we went to see “Saving Mr. Banks.” This was a total failure as a distraction because the film was brilliant in bringing forth the love, purity and innocence of a child trying to save her father. It was all about me. The script, the delivery the circumstances were all too real in depicting what I’ve felt. I always thought it was my job to save my parents but especially my mom.

I started crying a little when the Doctor called me on Christmas eve to tell me that my mother had passed. The Doctor called me personally from home interrupting her own celebratory time to deliver the news. I felt touched. I could tell she cared and loved my mom as I always have. I was thanking the Doctor for her generous compassion when she revealed that she and her six year old son had been fighting. She stopped the fighting after getting the call from her staff about my mom’s passing.

I cried more and adding that, “all I wanted to do was love my mom.”

There was a silent understanding.

I said, “Thank you” to the Doctor and hung up.

I don’t know what’s next. I’m certain I’ll process it like everyone else does. As for the record, I’ve never stopped loving my mom. I know I couldn’t save her yet I have more hours in this project than I can count having tried. Last night, I was sitting in the dark with all the lights out except for the shinning and glowing of the Christmas tree mindlessly contemplating. I found myself struck by the divine timing of mom’s passing on Christmas eve. Perhaps this was her way of sharing what she could never say, maybe this was my final gift. As she is now free perhaps it’s her gift that I should be also.

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