How do you feel?

“I don’t understand the relevance of the question…” came the reply. Gently the question was asked again, “how do you feel?” “About what?” Joan* answered. The question was proposed one more time… “how do you feel?” “I don’t know… I don’t know what I’m supposed to say” Joan said uncomfortably with several shallow breaths as she began looking around the room for the answer. But there was nobody…

Joan was conservatively dressed in a loose fitting floral pantsuit. She was a very bright woman in her late fifties who had recently lost her husband of many years. The short haired brunette had successfully raised three children now in their late thirties and early forties and with the sudden death of her husband she felt alone. Joan’s deceased husband spoke word-for-word through me, during her personal session, about special things that a husband and wife would share after spending over three decades together. Then Joan’s angelic guides began to speak lovingly to Joan, through me, about her feelings.

“I am confused” sighed the beautifully intelligent woman again about her feelings. It was paradoxical. Joan, who was very smart and used to being in control, found herself baffled about the questions regarding feelings. For her, it was if someone had surgically removed a part of her physical body, all she could feel was numbness. Lovingly spirit remained tender in gently assisting Joan to the place where she determined not to feel. The discovered time and experience was way before her life as a lover and mother. This surprised Joan, as she was mindful of shutting down her feelings when her husband passed. This final choice was the crowning jewel that now kept Joan totally isolated from one of her most beautiful attributes.

Survival Skills That persist 

Joan learned early to turn off her feelings. It was a means of survival, as Joan chose to embrace it. As a sensitive child it seemed a logical choice to turn off the senses that caused pain. So Joan did. It was easy, and with her strong personality in one bold move there was no more perception of pain and there were very little feelings.

Joan tried to allow some feelings but it proved increasingly difficult. It was hard to constantly manage what was “good and what was bad.” In this choice all Joan’s experiences were now being filtered from the basis of “not wanting to feel so as not to be hurt.” With the perceived loss of an intimate companion, her feelings that had been allowed now were too much and therefore all remaining feelings were completely turned off.

This decision affected everything. Joan would try and share intimate time with her grandchildren but she seemed outside the moment and unable to feel. It was like eating a meal with no means to taste. She wanted to love but she couldn’t feel love…even from her grandchildren. Logically, though these choices were of her own reasoning, Joan secretly wondered if living was a preferred choice. Joan knew that she had brought herself to a crossroads of awakening.

Allow Feelings To Let Go

Joan began crying, something that she shared with me after the personal session that “I never do.” It had been a long time since she had experienced deep feelings and this too is why Joan tried hard to stay in control. She did not want to return to the pain that was once felt and judged as “bad.” For a brief moment the feelings of physical, emotional and spiritual gridlock seemed to prevail. But Joan’s tears of releasement were providing the way. And as consistently as before, the unconditional love of the Angelic realm spoke through me in continued truth, enlightenment and peace “Is it safe to feel?” “I don’t know?” Joan cried still uncertain of the outcome. And through unconditional love Joan was led to a place where a new choice was embraced …the choice to feel. As we walked away from the in-person session Joan turned to me and said “that was life altering!” With a smile I acknowledged her love and choice to feel again and silently bowed my head.

* Actual names and some circumstances have been altered in an effort to honor the confidentiality of the private session.