The Face of a Clown

Previously, during my many years in business, I “put on a good face” often pretending that I was happy. As with many of my personal discoveries, this one came via my relationship(s) within my family. “Dad how come you are so unhappy?” said my son without any preface or other dialog. My initial reaction was to defend that “I’m happy” which was followed by his wordless nod and gentle understanding that seemed to communicate “uh-huh.”

Is Something Wrong?

My wife, Karen had been lovingly asking me questions like “what was the matter?” for a couple of years. Yet I didn’t know what was wrong or even if there was something wrong? So how could I be expected to explain? Talking about my feelings wasn’t something I was comfortable doing. So, my reasoning was “if I couldn’t articulate the problem with analysis then present a solution” then I wouldn’t go there.

My son wouldn’t let up. He said that I “acted different” at home versus my being at the office. Again, I attempted to defend my position with words like “well its different there.” And without a blink he returned again to the question to ask me if I was happy?

Cycles of imbalance

Our relationships are incredible opportunities for us to get to know our “real selves.” It is no accident that you have selected and chosen those people around you. Sometimes we can find ourselves caught on a conveyor belt returning to the same cycles of behavior that maybe you have noticed before. When this happens our lower self would whisper that “others around you are the problem” when in fact you are creating awareness of your own imbalance.

Being in balance with the Universe, nature, people, and All That Is (including ourselves) is naturally reflected in our state of peace and happiness. Happiness isn’t something that is outside of you. The keys are there before you. Will you pick them up and acknowledge this truth? The choice is yours. You are able to exist in perfect happiness in all that you are just by being. There are no steps that are required beyond your recognition that this truth is within you. You can continue to “act” in ways that do not represent the true you (without judgment) or is it possible to become aware and make new choices.

Choices matter

Several years ago when this awareness of my own “unhappiness” came to my attention from within my family it was like an emergency flair shooting up into the air marking the sky with colorful paint. It was beautiful, it was a point of awareness or a place to begin. My personal choices for being unhappy uncovered basis after basis of “things” that were hidden and blocked within that I never knew were even in there!